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  #1  
Old 09-21-2006, 04:44 PM
mv540's Avatar
mv540 mv540 is offline
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Default Some lil help with grammar

I have to wright an essay, so I do it and i want some lil help revising it.

Anyone who wants to help me...great!!!!!...and i will like, well if you want...Viiking a lil help please...ooo great techaer lol....no for serious pliz...

You know, like some commas errors, spelling errors and stuff

Topic
At the end of your life, how would you most like to be remembered?
Support your response with reasons and examples.


Many people do memorable things that are remembered by everyone.
All your life, you are surrounded by people, like family, friends, etc.
And it doesn’t matter what you do, it will always be remembered; it doesn’t matter if it was bad or good, funny or risky, no matter what, it will mark the way other people see you, and how they will remember you.

There are people that don’t care what they do; but others do care, and they try to do good things, so they can be remembered as awesome persons.
Also some people say that you must do 3 things, like a rule, for be remembered in a special way: Have kids, write a book and sow a tree.

I will like that all the persons I know, will remember me as a person who always fights, a man that do his best effort to gave his family a good, happy life. A person that fought to reach his goals, and no matter what goals he proposed, he always reached them.
Also be remembered as a good athlete, a healthy man, a big, proud champion. Also as a professional paintball player, and for last, be remembered as an amazing dad.

I like very much be remembered as an amazing dad, of course, having a great example of my dad, I can visualize how to do it, and make it better.
Also be remembered as a person who likes to fight, a man that doesn’t give up easily to the most hard moments in life; some examples will be: If there is no money for the house, if I doesn’t have a work or my company broke, and stuffs like that.

Another important thing, that I like to accomplished, is be remembered as a professional paintball player.
That is one of my biggest goals; being a professional paintball player is not that easy, there is a lot of competition and here in Guatemala is hard to get involved in this sport, because is just not that popular. But persevering and practicing, I will like to reach that goal, or better said I will reach that goal.

As I said before, it doesn’t matter what you do, you will be remembered for your actions you make in your life, it doesn’t matter what you do, a bad or good thing.
So in conclusion, be aware what you make, because that will mark your life and the memories of the people around you.
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Last edited by mv540 : 09-21-2006 at 04:58 PM.
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  #2  
Old 09-21-2006, 04:48 PM
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Default Re: Some lil help with grammar

You should replace the word fighting. I understand what you mean but it sounds like fighting as in beating people up.
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Old 09-21-2006, 04:50 PM
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DRAGON DRAGON is offline
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Default Re: Some lil help with grammar

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paintball0308
You should replace the word fighting. I understand what you mean but it sounds like fighting as in beating people up.
The password is.........."Persevere" -
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Old 09-21-2006, 04:57 PM
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mv540 mv540 is offline
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Default Re: Some lil help with grammar

thx!....any other mistake out there?? i can write persevere, or persevering???
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Old 09-21-2006, 04:58 PM
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Default Re: Some lil help with grammar

Quote:
Originally Posted by DRAGON
The password is.........."Persevere" -
thats the word I was looking for.
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Old 09-21-2006, 05:00 PM
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Default Re: Some lil help with grammar

I'll post up my revised version in a couple, or PM it to you, whichever you prefer. I see a couple of mistakes already, so I'm gonna rip this sucker apart after I copy it over to Word.
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Old 09-21-2006, 05:02 PM
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Default Re: Some lil help with grammar

ok mn, pm me if you want or post it here whatever, is fine with me
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Old 09-21-2006, 05:23 PM
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Default Re: Some lil help with grammar

OK, here's my editted version JIC I missed something. I had to change some things around, and I noticed you used a couple things repeatedly. You want to cut down on repeated phrases as much as possible, and I'd have changed them but I can't come up with very suitable replacements. I also put in a bit of my style, so if you don't like it feel free to change it. Oh, one last thing... TENSE USAGE. Pay attention what time tense you are writing in, and keep it consistent for as long as you are in that tense.


Many people do memorable things that are remembered by everyone. All your life, you are surrounded by people, like family, friends, etc. It doesn’t matter what you do, it will always be remembered; it doesn’t matter if it was bad or good, funny or risky, no matter what, it will mark the way other people see you, and how they will remember you.

There are people that don’t care what they do; but others do care, and they try to do good things so they can be remembered as awesome people. Some people say that you must do three things – as a general rule -- to be remembered in a special way: have kids, write a book, and sow a tree.

I would like that all the people I know will remember me as a person who always preserves, a man that does his best effort to give his family a good, happy life. A person that fought to reach his goals, and no matter what goals he proposed, he always reached them. I also would like to be remembered as a good athlete, a healthy man, a big, proud champion, as a professional paintball player, and for last, be remembered as an amazing father.

I'd like very much be remembered as an amazing dad, of course, and in having a great example of my dad, I can visualize how to do it, and be better at it. Another thing I'd like be remembered as is a person who likes to fight for what he believes in: a man that doesn’t give up easily to the most hard moments in life. Some examples will are: if there is no money for the house, if I doesn’t have a work or my company is bankrupt, and stuff like that.

The last important thing that I'd like to accomplish is to be remembered as a professional paintball player. That is one of my biggest goals. Being a professional paintball player is not that easy; there is a lot of competition and here in Guatemala it is hard to get involved in this sport, because is just not that popular. But fighting and practicing, I would like to reach that goal, or better said I will reach that goal.

As I said before, it doesn’t matter what you do, you will be remembered for your actions you make in your life, it doesn’t matter what you do, be it good or bad. Be aware what reputation you make, because that will mark your life and the memories of the people around you.
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Originally Posted by Muddy Taco
ya my vagina hurts sometimes to
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  #9  
Old 09-21-2006, 05:37 PM
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mv540 mv540 is offline
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Default Re: Some lil help with grammar

I have a couple of qstions....oh and thx by the way!


Quote:
Originally Posted by bigred76

here when you type those dashes, normally i write two or one?? - or --
Some people say that you must do three things – as a general rule -- to be remembered in a special way: have kids, write a book, and sow a tree.


Aslo, you think is better write father 2 times, or the first time father, and the dad??
a good athlete, a healthy man, a big, proud champion, as a professional paintball player, and for last, be remembered as an amazing father.

I'd like very much be remembered as an amazing dad,


Also, after the colons, it supposed to start with capital letter??? or not
Another thing I'd like be remembered as is a person who likes to fight for what he believes in: a man that doesn’t give up easily to the most hard moments in life. Some examples will are: if there is no money for the house, if I doesn’t have a work or my company is bankrupt, and stuff like that.
.
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  #10  
Old 09-21-2006, 06:00 PM
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xtraking xtraking is offline
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Default Re: Some lil help with grammar

Rule of thumb, NO 1ST OR 2ND PERSON.
2nd, try and limit your use of the verb to be.
3rd, dont say SO in conclusion, or so ever
4, no contractions!

Heres your final sentence:

So in conclusion, be aware what you make, because that will mark your life and the memories of the people around you.

Heres mine
In conclusion, a person should be aware of what they make, because that will mark their life and the memories of the people around them.

i just took out so and used 3rd person, or insteand of a person, you can say one.... but a person is preferable. I didnt edit in idea whatsoever, but if oyu want help just IM me, hockeyrat96.

Last edited by xtraking : 09-21-2006 at 06:16 PM.
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