Spyder Forums

Spyder Forums (http://www.spyder.tv/forums/index.php)
-   Non-Paintball Topics (http://www.spyder.tv/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=5)
-   -   New work rules (http://www.spyder.tv/forums/showthread.php?t=18738)

druid 11-12-2008 08:38 PM

New work rules
Notice to All Employees

As of November 5, 2008, when President Obama is officially elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:

All salespeople will be pooling their sales commissions into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a "fair shake."

2. All hourly employees will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will help those who are "too busy for overtime" to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.

3. All top management will now be referred to as "the government." We will not participate in this "pooling" experience because the law doesn't apply to us.

4. The "government" will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging its workers to continue to work hard "for the good of all."

5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's "good to spread the wealth." Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more "patriotic."

6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don't feel bad though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!

especiialypsycho 11-12-2008 09:38 PM

Re: New work rules
I hope your joking.

druid 11-13-2008 12:44 AM

Re: New work rules
do you think I am? That's his platform...why not make it so "normal" people can understand it?

bigred76 11-13-2008 01:14 AM

Re: New work rules
Play nice, Paul....

DFSniper 11-13-2008 04:31 AM

Re: New work rules

Critical 11-13-2008 04:34 AM

Re: New work rules
My company already does that :(

vikingshadow 11-13-2008 04:48 AM

Re: New work rules
Hehe - we were doing the same thing yesterday, except applying it towards teachers.

This is good though, because with the "new" NCLB garbage we teachers have to do, I may be calling upon that "free" stuff before too long!

bamf-hacker 11-13-2008 06:59 AM

Re: New work rules

The election is over, Obama won and we will need to deal with it for the next 4 years.

Please no more politics I am on OVERLOAD....

At least the phone calls stopped :)

Hob Hayward 11-13-2008 07:32 AM

Re: New work rules
lulz. Obama ftw.

and um, no, thats not his platform at all, to be precise.

durrell 11-13-2008 09:08 AM

Re: New work rules
I liked this one.

Fellow Business Executives:

As the CFO of this business that employees 140 people, I have resigned
myself to the fact that Barrack Obama will be our next President, and
that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way.

To compensate for these increases, I figure that the Clients will have
to see an increase in our fees to them of about 8% but since we cannot
increase our fees right now due to the dismal state of our economy, we
will have to lay off six of our employees instead. This has really been
eating at me for a while, as we believe we are family here and I didn't
w how to choose who will have to go.

So, this is what I did. I strolled thru our parking lot and found 8
Obama bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these
folks will be the first to be laid off. I can't think of a more fair way
to approach this problem. These folks wanted change; I gave it to them.
If you have a better idea, let me know.


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 08:04 PM.