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View Full Version : I Laughed So Hard, I Cried!!!!


druid
02-28-2007, 11:29 PM
I copied this off the SpecOps Forum...by redleg 64...I laughed so hard, I cried !!!! :pwnd: :lolsign: :D


My cousin sent this email to me. I would be sinning if I didn't give you the opportunity to enjoy this!

Last weekend at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop I was looking for a little
something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
100,000-volt pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on an
assailant. The idea is to allow my wife -- who would never consider a
gun --adequate time to retreat to safety. WAY TOO COOL!!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded in
two triple-a batteries and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
disappointed. But then I read (yes, 'read') that if I pushed the
button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time I'd get
the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs
and I'd know it was working.

Awesome!!! (Actually, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn
spot is on the face of her microwave). Okay, so I was home alone with
this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with
only two triple-A batteries, right?!! There I sat in my recliner, my
cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was
reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this
thing out on a flesh and blood moving target. I must admit, I
thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then
thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to
give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did
want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, and taser in the other. The directions said that a one-second
burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds
would be wasting the batteries.

So, I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to
one side as if to say, "don't do it," reasoning that a one-second
burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I
decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY
MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%!@*!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
up in the recliner, and body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the
fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples
on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under
my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.

You should know, if you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a
taser,that there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap
yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from
your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.


A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected what little wits I had left, sat up and
surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of
the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh
and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been
shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still
looking for my testicles!! I'm offering a significant reward for
their safe return.

Still in shock,
Jim

Nader
03-01-2007, 12:29 AM
Hehe.....I lqtm'ed for quite a while.

Theheroguy
03-01-2007, 05:16 AM
idiot

El Duche
03-01-2007, 07:21 AM
not original at all. just a copy and paste story. call shens, Tiny posted the same thing a few years ago when he wasn't banned on PBN.

leed
03-01-2007, 09:08 AM
not original at all. just a copy and paste story. call shens, Tiny posted the same thing a few years ago when he wasn't banned on PBN.

Yeah... He said he copy and pasted it... Read the post much?

MVS1
03-01-2007, 10:57 AM
Guys, come on, what does it matter if he c & p'd it, its still a funny story...kinda makes me want to get one and try it out on my neighbors dog that barks all the time and keeps diggin under my fence, I wonder what a 1 or 2 second shot to the nose would do to that mongral the next time he sticks his head through a fresh hole...:thinking:

DFSniper
03-01-2007, 11:50 AM
OMG i cant stop laughibng....

yod3r
03-01-2007, 01:41 PM
dang that sounds like something id do lol, i shot my self in the leg with my airsoft gun just for the heck of it. funny tho....

bamf-hacker
03-01-2007, 02:00 PM
ROFL!!!

http://www.safetycenter.navy.mil/MEDIA/gallery/art/mech/images/femal_1.jpg

El Duche
03-01-2007, 02:43 PM
Yeah... He said he copy and pasted it... Read the post much?
I know the user copied it. I was merely stating that the place that he copied it from copied it from somewhere else.

Team Ramrod
03-01-2007, 03:01 PM
I've done that. Not to the same extent, but still shocking. Ive put the bark activated throat collar for dogs on my throat and barked, shocking myself. And I've put the multi-level remote collar on myself in various spots to test the strength, and boy do those have some juice.

leed
03-01-2007, 04:11 PM
You have to understand dogs are also a lot tougher in their skin then we are. I mean, look at some of the choke collars they wear!

But I finally read it, and man, that was GREAT!

And El Duche -- I gotcha, sorry for flippin out, hahaha.

El Duche
03-01-2007, 05:35 PM
I've done that. Not to the same extent, but still shocking. Ive put the bark activated throat collar for dogs on my throat and barked, shocking myself. And I've put the multi-level remote collar on myself in various spots to test the strength, and boy do those have some juice.
I know how that is our old dog had an invisible fence. I got a little too close to where it was. I musta jumped two feet in the air.

MadMan66
03-01-2007, 05:49 PM
i almost did that once...good thing i didn't! my friend had one, and he was going to pay me $20 to shock myself, but i couldn't build up the guts.

kidonfire
03-02-2007, 10:42 AM
I've never been stupid enough to try that. I'm close, but not yet.

Ace24
03-02-2007, 03:35 PM
Oh my god that was funny. I totally had the whole visualisation thing going too. I could see it happening lmao. That was hilarious.

DyNasty9
03-02-2007, 03:47 PM
he shoulda done it to his wife:dodgy:


jm, rolflmaowtfbbqm8 THAT was funny, wish i coulda watched it lol.:D

Backmanshooter
03-02-2007, 05:22 PM
Twas funny.

newkid
03-02-2007, 07:07 PM
omg thats hilarious!