View Full Version : Why did the chicken cross the road?

11-19-2006, 07:45 AM
Well, here it is....the end all, be all of the question. You wanna know why? The celebrities have given their answers...Read below!

Edit - Holy crap, this thing was longer than I thought....sorry about that!

Cindy Sheehan's answer:

The chicken joined me and other Americans as we marched to President Bush's Texas ranch to protest the war in Iraq.

Mel Gibson's Answer

Why do you think the chicken crossed the road? Because its a (censored) Jew. Jews think they can just (censored) cross the street whenever they want. Jewish chickens are responsible for all the wars in the world...are you a Jew??

Jim Gilchrist's Answer:

The chicken was an illegal immigrant. He not only crossed the road, but he also crossed the border! There are over 12 million illegal chickens in this country. My fellow Minutemen members have witnessed this for years while the feds do nothing about it.

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's Answer:

The chicken crossed the holy road to resist the crusaders. Unfortunately, he was killed during the jihad. He has died a martyr.

Jose Canseco's Answer:

The chicken was juiced up on steroids! Mark McGwire and I would shoot the chicken in the buttocks everyday after baseball practice. All the details are in my new book.

Jessica Simpson 's Answer:

Why would he be on a road, I thought chickens lived in the ocean?

Snoop Dogg 's Answer:

This (censored) fool of a chicken didn't (censored) know
what the (censored) he was doin crossin a (censored) alley in (censored) Harlem at 1:00 in the (censored) mornin'.

Isaac Newton 's Answer:

The duck suggested to the chicken that they play
follow the leader then the duck crossed the road causing the chicken to cross after it, but at the same time holding up traffic, thus proving that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction .

Rene Descartes 's Answer:

Since the chicken does not really exist it was only an illusion that the chicken crossed the road. This illusion was only in my mind. Therefore I created the chicken that crossed the road.

John Kerry's Answer:

I agree that the chicken should cross the road, but I believe that the chicken should not get to the other side..

Steve Jobs 's (Apple) Answer:

Because of the brand-new iChicken- a portable device that crosses roads, lays eggs, gives wakeup calls and provides dinner, automatically. This amazing device can simply plug in to the $4000 iCoop to produce additional iChickens and recharge existing iChickens, or plug it into the $9000 iChop to convert iChicken files into iFood. iFood-to-Regular Food converters sell for an additional $50/month fee, however the optional iFood-to-FoodXP converter is still in development. iChickens are only available from authorized iDealers, which can be found in nearly every US state. If your iChicken develops a disease or stops working, you must send it by FedEx Overnight to Littleton, Montana and our iTechnicians will send you a replacement within 3 months. The iChicken. Wow.

Colin Powell 's Answer:

This is not about whether inspectors made sure the chicken crossed the road, it's about the willingness of the chicken to cross the road voluntarily.

Darwin's Answer:

It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Another Answer:

Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected
in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

Moses's Answer:

And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Douglas Adams's Answer:


Henry David Thoreau's Answer:

To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Howard Cosell's Answer:

It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homosapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Jack Nicholson's Answer:

'Cause it (censored) wanted to.
That's the (censored) reason.

Johnny Cochran 's Answer:

Because the road was black and the chicken was white. We must acquit.

11-19-2006, 07:45 AM
Machiavelli's Answer:

The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The
end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Another Answer:

So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which
has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear,
for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained

Arthur Andersen Consultant's Answer:

Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its
dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant
challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering
relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its
physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impact environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a
consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the
chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards
the creation of a total business integration solution. (Andersen
Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

Mark Twain's Answer:

The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Ralph Waldo Emerson's Answer:

It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Senator Lieberman's Answer:

I believe that every chicken has the right to worship his or her God in
his or her own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no
chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in his or her own

Thomas de Torquemada's Answer:

Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

George Bush's Answer:

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

Al Gore's Answer:

I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

Another Answer:

I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them

Martha Stewart's Answer:

No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Ernest Hemingway's Answer:

To die. In the rain. Alone.

Martin Luther King Jr's Answer:

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa's Answer:

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Ralph Nader's Answer:

The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

Another Answer:

Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tire
makers. Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tire makers to
create the need for these roads and then lures chickens into believing
there is an advantage to crossing them. Down with the roads, up with

Pat Buchanan's Answer:

To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Rush Limbaugh's Answer:

I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

Jerry Falwell's Answer:

Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side.".

Saddam Hussein's Answer:

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Fox Mulder's Answer:

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

Scully's Answer:

It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.

The Bible's Answer:

And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Albert Einstein's Answer:

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the

Sigmund Freud's Answer:

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Joseph Stalin's Answer:

I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

Louis Farrakhan's Answer:

The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

George Orwell's Answer:

Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

O.J. Simpson's Answer:

It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.


Colonel Sanders' Answer:

I missed one?

11-19-2006, 07:52 AM
Wow that was long. But funny. lol.

11-19-2006, 07:55 AM
Funny! Howard Cosell said it best! ;)

11-19-2006, 05:19 PM
Colonel Sanders and Saddam's were my fav.

11-19-2006, 05:56 PM
Al Gore's Answer:

I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people. BTW, the chicken's name was Chad and i demand a recount on how many steps he actually took!


11-19-2006, 06:21 PM
lol, that was great

11-19-2006, 06:30 PM
Bahah so funny...man that was good.

11-20-2006, 05:36 AM
That was great!

Thanks Vike for a little humor on a Monday morning.

11-20-2006, 07:06 AM
Thank you vike! It was hilarious

Chris Cole
11-21-2006, 06:36 AM
(Censored) Vike, you need some serious (censored) help. :D