vikingshadow
11-17-2006, 05:08 PM
and OPRAH is the anti-christ! I've thought about it for several days, and I believe this to be absolutely true.....
Today, I was at the gym, and although this post is about today, this has happened multiple times over the past few months. Well, to start with, I've been really proud of myself - lost 5+ pounds this week by running on the treadmill for 3 miles (legs finally stopped hurting all the time!) and then going another 1.5 miles or more on the eliptical trainer for a total of 800 calories burned every day. Then, I've been going really easy on supper - no more second helpings and smaller portion sizes - anywho, the end result in just 5 days is I'm pretty happy!
Well, since I see something happening in my body now, I make it a point to try and get to the gym and go through my treadmill/elliptical trainer program. Problem is, I have to race the overweight women who ONLY go there to slowly work out on the machines and talk about the ONLY show they EVER watch it seems - yes, the OPRAH show. Today, I was next to the elliptical so I could grab it when I finished the treadmill - sometimes it gets so bad I don't even have time to wipe the treadmill down, well, once for sure. So this woman comes in and climbs on the machine and begins a 20 minute workout (I spied on her monitor entries! :D She lied about her weight, though!) I figure ok, I still have 26 minutes, so with her workout and the 5 minute cool-down, I'd have a minute to jump from my machine to hers.
30 seconds before she finishes, she RESETS the machine for ANOTHER 20 minutes because, as she told her friend that was LEANING on the other elipitical trainer - the bad machine that doesn't work so well - "OPRAH's not over yet!"
In the meantime, I finish my workout, wipe my machine down, climb on a different Nordic Trac training machine like a stair climber, TRIED to do it, but it killed my legs, and decided to wait on this woman to finish. I see other women starting to come in, think "Uh oh!" so I go over and stand somewhat next to the machine and watch this woman work out while I stretch a bit. I think she felt my presence because it was obvious that she kept watching me from the corner of her eye, and FINALLY her husband came in and told her it was time to go....then she SLOWLY walked to the paper towels and spray bottles, SLOWLY walked back (all the time watching you-know-who) and looked me full in the face and said, "Oh, I'm sorry! Were you waiting on me?"
Now, this has happened every 10-11th time I go in....women who obviously are there with someone else, really DON'T want to work out but are watching OPRAH, DR. PHIL, or some other show like that and don't really work at an intensity that is beneficial to them, at least according to the trainers that come in and tell them to either start exercising or let them use the machines with their customers...
Now, my evidence that OPRAH is the anti-christ:
1. Millions of women (including my wife) and dozens of straight men absolutely LOVE OPRAH - to the point of doing whatever it takes to watch her.
2. OPRAH is all about OPRAH - she always relates whatever is the topic of the show to herself.
3. Her magazine is called "O" for OPRAH - and is all about OPRAH and her "friends."
4. People pay upwards of 50-100 bucks per ticket to go see OPRAH and get her "surprise" gifts that usually are about 10-20 bucks (see books or stuff from Bed Bath and Beyond....)
5. People say she's a humanitarian because she focuses on "people's" problems, and "gives her wealth to others" but we all know it's for ratings and to maintain her cult-like grasp on the fans she has - and her wealth is NOT going to the people - the donations from the companies she either owns or has stock in consider it a write-off and free advertisment.
6. Oprah goes on weight-gaining sprees where she picks up 100 pounds, then mysteriously drops it all in a matter of weeks.....true evidence of a pact with the devil to be his spokesman on this planet!
7. Oprah recently spent over 180.00 in gas at one stop on an "across the country road-trip" and wasn't fazed by it.....wait, I thought her wealth was helping the "people!"
8. I've mentioned this theory to other women, and barely escaped the room with my life, showing that her army is even spreading into the Bible-belt!
Ok, maybe my theory is too far gone, but she's at least the Secretary of State in the Anti-Christ's cabinet!
Or we can make this the "I Need Support v.3" thread!
tl:dr? Tough - you got an education courtesy of your parents and/or the taxpayers of this country, so use it and read the damn thing!
Today, I was at the gym, and although this post is about today, this has happened multiple times over the past few months. Well, to start with, I've been really proud of myself - lost 5+ pounds this week by running on the treadmill for 3 miles (legs finally stopped hurting all the time!) and then going another 1.5 miles or more on the eliptical trainer for a total of 800 calories burned every day. Then, I've been going really easy on supper - no more second helpings and smaller portion sizes - anywho, the end result in just 5 days is I'm pretty happy!
Well, since I see something happening in my body now, I make it a point to try and get to the gym and go through my treadmill/elliptical trainer program. Problem is, I have to race the overweight women who ONLY go there to slowly work out on the machines and talk about the ONLY show they EVER watch it seems - yes, the OPRAH show. Today, I was next to the elliptical so I could grab it when I finished the treadmill - sometimes it gets so bad I don't even have time to wipe the treadmill down, well, once for sure. So this woman comes in and climbs on the machine and begins a 20 minute workout (I spied on her monitor entries! :D She lied about her weight, though!) I figure ok, I still have 26 minutes, so with her workout and the 5 minute cool-down, I'd have a minute to jump from my machine to hers.
30 seconds before she finishes, she RESETS the machine for ANOTHER 20 minutes because, as she told her friend that was LEANING on the other elipitical trainer - the bad machine that doesn't work so well - "OPRAH's not over yet!"
In the meantime, I finish my workout, wipe my machine down, climb on a different Nordic Trac training machine like a stair climber, TRIED to do it, but it killed my legs, and decided to wait on this woman to finish. I see other women starting to come in, think "Uh oh!" so I go over and stand somewhat next to the machine and watch this woman work out while I stretch a bit. I think she felt my presence because it was obvious that she kept watching me from the corner of her eye, and FINALLY her husband came in and told her it was time to go....then she SLOWLY walked to the paper towels and spray bottles, SLOWLY walked back (all the time watching you-know-who) and looked me full in the face and said, "Oh, I'm sorry! Were you waiting on me?"
Now, this has happened every 10-11th time I go in....women who obviously are there with someone else, really DON'T want to work out but are watching OPRAH, DR. PHIL, or some other show like that and don't really work at an intensity that is beneficial to them, at least according to the trainers that come in and tell them to either start exercising or let them use the machines with their customers...
Now, my evidence that OPRAH is the anti-christ:
1. Millions of women (including my wife) and dozens of straight men absolutely LOVE OPRAH - to the point of doing whatever it takes to watch her.
2. OPRAH is all about OPRAH - she always relates whatever is the topic of the show to herself.
3. Her magazine is called "O" for OPRAH - and is all about OPRAH and her "friends."
4. People pay upwards of 50-100 bucks per ticket to go see OPRAH and get her "surprise" gifts that usually are about 10-20 bucks (see books or stuff from Bed Bath and Beyond....)
5. People say she's a humanitarian because she focuses on "people's" problems, and "gives her wealth to others" but we all know it's for ratings and to maintain her cult-like grasp on the fans she has - and her wealth is NOT going to the people - the donations from the companies she either owns or has stock in consider it a write-off and free advertisment.
6. Oprah goes on weight-gaining sprees where she picks up 100 pounds, then mysteriously drops it all in a matter of weeks.....true evidence of a pact with the devil to be his spokesman on this planet!
7. Oprah recently spent over 180.00 in gas at one stop on an "across the country road-trip" and wasn't fazed by it.....wait, I thought her wealth was helping the "people!"
8. I've mentioned this theory to other women, and barely escaped the room with my life, showing that her army is even spreading into the Bible-belt!
Ok, maybe my theory is too far gone, but she's at least the Secretary of State in the Anti-Christ's cabinet!
Or we can make this the "I Need Support v.3" thread!
tl:dr? Tough - you got an education courtesy of your parents and/or the taxpayers of this country, so use it and read the damn thing!