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View Full Version : Revelations is true......


vikingshadow
11-17-2006, 06:08 PM
and OPRAH is the anti-christ! I've thought about it for several days, and I believe this to be absolutely true.....

Today, I was at the gym, and although this post is about today, this has happened multiple times over the past few months. Well, to start with, I've been really proud of myself - lost 5+ pounds this week by running on the treadmill for 3 miles (legs finally stopped hurting all the time!) and then going another 1.5 miles or more on the eliptical trainer for a total of 800 calories burned every day. Then, I've been going really easy on supper - no more second helpings and smaller portion sizes - anywho, the end result in just 5 days is I'm pretty happy!

Well, since I see something happening in my body now, I make it a point to try and get to the gym and go through my treadmill/elliptical trainer program. Problem is, I have to race the overweight women who ONLY go there to slowly work out on the machines and talk about the ONLY show they EVER watch it seems - yes, the OPRAH show. Today, I was next to the elliptical so I could grab it when I finished the treadmill - sometimes it gets so bad I don't even have time to wipe the treadmill down, well, once for sure. So this woman comes in and climbs on the machine and begins a 20 minute workout (I spied on her monitor entries! :D She lied about her weight, though!) I figure ok, I still have 26 minutes, so with her workout and the 5 minute cool-down, I'd have a minute to jump from my machine to hers.

30 seconds before she finishes, she RESETS the machine for ANOTHER 20 minutes because, as she told her friend that was LEANING on the other elipitical trainer - the bad machine that doesn't work so well - "OPRAH's not over yet!"

In the meantime, I finish my workout, wipe my machine down, climb on a different Nordic Trac training machine like a stair climber, TRIED to do it, but it killed my legs, and decided to wait on this woman to finish. I see other women starting to come in, think "Uh oh!" so I go over and stand somewhat next to the machine and watch this woman work out while I stretch a bit. I think she felt my presence because it was obvious that she kept watching me from the corner of her eye, and FINALLY her husband came in and told her it was time to go....then she SLOWLY walked to the paper towels and spray bottles, SLOWLY walked back (all the time watching you-know-who) and looked me full in the face and said, "Oh, I'm sorry! Were you waiting on me?"

Now, this has happened every 10-11th time I go in....women who obviously are there with someone else, really DON'T want to work out but are watching OPRAH, DR. PHIL, or some other show like that and don't really work at an intensity that is beneficial to them, at least according to the trainers that come in and tell them to either start exercising or let them use the machines with their customers...

Now, my evidence that OPRAH is the anti-christ:

1. Millions of women (including my wife) and dozens of straight men absolutely LOVE OPRAH - to the point of doing whatever it takes to watch her.

2. OPRAH is all about OPRAH - she always relates whatever is the topic of the show to herself.

3. Her magazine is called "O" for OPRAH - and is all about OPRAH and her "friends."

4. People pay upwards of 50-100 bucks per ticket to go see OPRAH and get her "surprise" gifts that usually are about 10-20 bucks (see books or stuff from Bed Bath and Beyond....)

5. People say she's a humanitarian because she focuses on "people's" problems, and "gives her wealth to others" but we all know it's for ratings and to maintain her cult-like grasp on the fans she has - and her wealth is NOT going to the people - the donations from the companies she either owns or has stock in consider it a write-off and free advertisment.

6. Oprah goes on weight-gaining sprees where she picks up 100 pounds, then mysteriously drops it all in a matter of weeks.....true evidence of a pact with the devil to be his spokesman on this planet!

7. Oprah recently spent over 180.00 in gas at one stop on an "across the country road-trip" and wasn't fazed by it.....wait, I thought her wealth was helping the "people!"

8. I've mentioned this theory to other women, and barely escaped the room with my life, showing that her army is even spreading into the Bible-belt!

Ok, maybe my theory is too far gone, but she's at least the Secretary of State in the Anti-Christ's cabinet!

Or we can make this the "I Need Support v.3" thread!



tl:dr? Tough - you got an education courtesy of your parents and/or the taxpayers of this country, so use it and read the damn thing!

Drefish99
11-17-2006, 06:22 PM
Vike, you been hitting Gunny's meds? I wouldn't dare share this with the wife. It may end my marriage.

DRAGON
11-17-2006, 06:27 PM
Me tinks Vik has been into the stimulant partition of Gunny's med cabinet. Did you know that Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo and mad dog spelled backwards is god dam? I think we're on to something here Vik. What it is, I have absolutely no idea of - :smirk:

NINJA EDIT: Dang as I was conjuring that post and composing it, Dre posted the same thing. We have done this before in the recent past. I think it has something to do with Oprah.......OMFG, this is spooky -

vikingshadow
11-17-2006, 06:32 PM
I'm telling ya, Orah is dangerous! Next thing you guys know, you'll all be talking about how much weight Oprah has gained, or her new hairstyle, then the next thing you know, BANGO! We're serving the might Oprah.....

As far as Gunny's meds go, that dang video survellance camera is broken again.....

DRAGON
11-17-2006, 06:36 PM
OMG....OMG!!!

Harpo de mad dog><god damed Oprah

THE ANTI CHRIST!!!

vikingshadow
11-17-2006, 06:52 PM
There ya go....see? I'm not so twisted after all!

Listen to the old dude....he'll take care of ya!

maximus100389
11-17-2006, 07:35 PM
i swear, i could see this happening:

oprah decides to run for president.

the rest is history. heres a little video clip of her denouncing Christianity: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-402722174889524119&q=oprah+denounces+christianity&hl=en

bigred76
11-17-2006, 08:06 PM
I've mentioned this theory to other women
Sorry, but I read that and everything else ran out of my mind, hahaha! :D

claustrophobia9
11-17-2006, 08:50 PM
sorry vike but you need professional help :dodgy:

Theheroguy
11-18-2006, 06:06 AM
i swear, i could see this happening:

oprah decides to run for president.

the rest is history. heres a little video clip of her denouncing Christianity: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-402722174889524119&q=oprah+denounces+christianity&hl=en

Oprah isn't denouncing Christianity she saying that there is more than one wayto god and that just because someone doesn't call jesus jesus they'llgo to hell saying that is condemming hordes of people to the fire who are good people.

Besides that it's not Oprah's fault that people don't watch her at home

vikingshadow
11-18-2006, 07:00 AM
apparantly you're one of the dozen straight guys I mentioned....:D either that or one of her minions! GASP!

For those who are about to get their panties in a bunch, the post I made WAS JUST A JOKE ABOUT OPRAH - AND A BIT OF A RANT ABOUT GYM ETIQUETTE (sp)!!!!

Relax - not everything posted on the net is a cause for arguement...

durrell
11-18-2006, 07:02 AM
Oprah isn't denouncing Christianity she saying that there is more than one wayto god and that just because someone doesn't call jesus jesus they'llgo to hell saying that is condemming hordes of people to the fire who are good people.

Besides that it's not Oprah's fault that people don't watch her at home

Christians believe in one God, and one way to Heaven. And that is through Jesus. Therefore, if she says there is more than one way to Heaven..she is denouncing Christianity.

Just some simple logic for you there. :rolleyes:

shunut
11-18-2006, 07:07 AM
Vike I know some very good mental facilities that could help you greatly, but you have to want help.

vikingshadow
11-18-2006, 07:10 AM
I dun nee no hep.....Yous guys are da ones dat need da hep! Ahm jus tryn to spred da lite!

Laura Bush for president 2008 - she'll straighten this whole Oprah thing out!

xtraking
11-18-2006, 07:12 AM
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-402722174889524119&q=oprah+denounces+christianity&hl=en

since when is oprah a philosopher? :confused:

camo911
11-18-2006, 07:57 AM
I see youre logic Vike........Oprah does seem to have a strangly strong grasp on her fans lives, and when the world finally realizes this, it'll be too late and Vike will be the only sane one "i told ya so! i told ya so! See? me no crazy!":wiggle: Then again, just my opinion

DRAGON
11-18-2006, 09:01 AM
..........For those who are about to get their panties in a bunch, the post I made WAS JUST A JOKE ABOUT OPRAH - AND A BIT OF A RANT ABOUT GYM ETIQUETTE (sp)!!!!...

OMG no way dood! Vik's BSing there, this is real take heed! He's just trying to appease the shallow in foresight. I've even seen/heard sublininal messages spoken by Groucho Marx in reruns of the Groucho Show if you play it backwards. Of course y'all know Groucho is Harpo's brother. Marx....Marxist....get it? This is a totally hawt subject and should not be just brushed off as a hoax! Conse spirit tu tuo - :eek:

maximus100389
11-18-2006, 09:49 PM
you have to be "born again of water and spirit" to enter heaven. so yes, if you an amazing person and you never get baptised you wont enter heaven.

DRAGON
11-18-2006, 09:55 PM
For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and the measure which ye give, shall be measured to you again.

maximus100389
11-18-2006, 10:02 PM
For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and the measure which ye give, shall be measured to you again.

that's true but you still have to be baptised and have accepted Jesus as your one and only savior to enter Heaven.

DRAGON
11-18-2006, 10:59 PM
Geeze I dislike getting into this type of thing but; you're saying all babies that die at birth or shortly after birth and are not baptised go straight to hell? if there are 3 places to go; heaven, hell and limbo, and god sent all souls that were not baptised straight to hell or limbo, wouldn't that make god unforgiving and a hypocrite? jesus was a messenger of god and forgave all and from what you say god does not, than that makes him a hypocrite, would it not? Do as I say, not as I do? - :confused:

maximus100389
11-19-2006, 01:01 AM
seeing as babies and youngsters arent able to make their own decisions about their faith at such an early age, im sure god wouldnt judge them based on if they were baptised.

If you have a bible you can read John chapter 3. Jesus says plainly that no one can enter the Kingdom of God unless he is "born again" (baptised. and it explains what i said earlier. Being born of "water and the Spirit" is being baptised.

Angel69
11-19-2006, 02:04 AM
i think vikes been smoking some wacky tabacky

but dont worry dude that **** is good for ya

Theheroguy
11-19-2006, 06:07 AM
End the religous debate the end is people disagree and this whole thing was about Oprah not religion You guys always get off topic

JMotioN
11-19-2006, 06:18 AM
hahaha! you ppl are crazy oprah the anti-christ, shes just a pawn to the real anti-christ! CHAIN LETTERS! you know those chain letters, the ones you get in your email. ever wonder what would happen if everyone you sent it to sent it to more ppl, and they to more, and they to more. pretty soon everyone would be sending chain letters. we would spend all of our earths resources to power servers, computers, and the internet to send chain letters. the world would destroy itself. (not only that but wed have a lot of ppl appearing on everyones cielings at night when they are about to fall alseep, but wait no time for sleep is there. HAVE to send more chain letters). so do the word a favor, send this to five ppl in the next ten minutes and a magical irish man will grant you 3 wishes tomorrow at 13:37 hours tomorrow !

vikingshadow
11-19-2006, 06:30 AM
End the religous debate the end is people disagree and this whole thing was about Oprah not religion You guys always get off topic

No, Oprah was the CONCLUSION to the purpose of this thread - the actual purpose was to rant about people wasting time on equipment at a gym.....sheesh, kids these days! :rolleyes:

But, chain letters? Hmmmmmmm....mayyybbbeeeeeee?????? I'll have to look into this - what if ALL chain letters were STARTED by Oprah????

(*sigh* Ok, debating religion is like debating politics - gets people angry and never solves anything...

That said, my upbringing taught me that children up to a certain age, generally accepted as 5-7 years, are automatically entered into the Kingdom of Heaven should they die- this is called the Age of Accountability - when they can account for their own actions. Everyone else must confess their sins and sincerely ask for forgiveness - that is why murderers, rapists, etc. can call out to Him on their death beds (see the criminal on the cross in the Crucifixion story) and enter Heaven. This is why I think water baptism is just a symbol and not necessarily an important key to getting there....now, that's MY upbringing and I happen to like and agree with it. Please don't tell me I'm wrong because I don't want to discuss my philosophy of religion with you. I'm not trying to change anyone's mind, so please don't try to change mine!)

JMotioN
11-19-2006, 09:33 AM
But, chain letters? Hmmmmmmm....mayyybbbeeeeeee?????? I'll have to look into this - what if ALL chain letters were STARTED by Oprah????

hmmm i was thinking she could help finance, bc no one does that much when your that rich.

and did anyone see like the first episodes of Oprah. my sister was 6 and she says i quote "my why do you watch this, all it is black ppl fighting". so shes come a long way from her jerry springer rip off.

bigred76
11-19-2006, 10:33 AM
That's a long parentheses, Vike. :D

Why is everyone argueing about religion when the actual topic was Vike *****ing about stupid people watching Oprah while working out? How do you get from the beginning of this thread, to here? :confused: