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vikingshadow
06-12-2006, 04:55 PM
The Guys' Rules*******************

Finally , the guys' side of the story. People always hear the "Rules" but it's ALWAYS from the female's side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a PROBLEM. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothings wrong. We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

marvin-martian
06-12-2006, 05:03 PM
haha, i like number...wait... :dodgy:

claustrophobia9
06-12-2006, 05:07 PM
didn't YOU post this on the old forums too?

i have one to add:

1. This forum requires that you wait 45 seconds between posts. Please try again in 12 seconds.

bamf-hacker
06-12-2006, 05:09 PM
that is great!!! I just read them to my wife and even she liked them :)

HacKeR

claustrophobia9
06-12-2006, 05:31 PM
that is great!!! I just read them to my wife and even she liked them :)

HacKeR
she SAID she liked them :rolleyes:

vikingshadow
06-12-2006, 05:39 PM
didn't YOU post this on the old forums too?


I might have, don't really remember. I'm coming up with a "Paintball Rules for Dummies" right now...I'll try to get it posted soon.

Yeah, the wife SAYS she thinks they're funny, but the number 1 rule (hahaha!) should be:

1. As we age, our will to fight back slowly goes away. Eventually, we'll break down and tell you you're right, I was wrong and give in because we're just too dang tired to continue the fight.

1. Men die an average of 7 years earlier than our wives. It's because we WANT to, rather than argue over the toilet seat, the remote and the yard anymore.

bamf-hacker
06-12-2006, 05:43 PM
Please add....

1. When you are pregnant please seclude yourself for 9 months. We do not need to be subjected to the moodiness and besides, our involvement ended as soon as we lit up the cigarette. ;)

HacKeR

vikingshadow
06-12-2006, 05:46 PM
Ooooo, just thinking that Eleventy million women just sent a mental curse at you! :D

Although I went through it twice and couldn't agree more....ESPECIALLY with women I didn't impregnate - read not my wife!

Tk-421
06-12-2006, 06:02 PM
Those are great..im gonna copy and paste them for future use..lol

bamf-hacker
06-12-2006, 06:06 PM
Ooooo, just thinking that Eleventy million women just sent a mental curse at you! :D

Although I went through it twice and couldn't agree more....ESPECIALLY with women I didn't impregnate - read not my wife!

:lolsign: I'll take the mental curse... This baby is coming any day now and I can't wait. My wife is 10 days past the "Get it out!" phase, and the due date is in 6 days.

HacKeR

vikingshadow
06-12-2006, 06:11 PM
Ahhh, good times....My youngest is 11 now, and I remember those days like they were yesterday.

My heart goes out to you. Wait until the delivery time comes and her entire family is in there trying to tell YOU what to do....those were the best!

:dodgy: :dodgy: <---and I NEVER use these!:D

bamf-hacker
06-12-2006, 06:27 PM
Ahhh, good times....My youngest is 11 now, and I remember those days like they were yesterday.

My heart goes out to you. Wait until the delivery time comes and her entire family is in there trying to tell YOU what to do....those were the best!

:dodgy: :dodgy: <---and I NEVER use these!:D

Ha... and you would think I would be used to this... Second time around for us.

HacKeR

vikingshadow
06-12-2006, 06:37 PM
Well, cool! You're already broke in now! Congratulations by the way. Do you know what it is yet???

bamf-hacker
06-12-2006, 06:56 PM
Well, cool! You're already broke in now! Congratulations by the way. Do you know what it is yet???


A girl..... :) I know before you all say it, my hands will be full.

But I am already thinking ahead. I got an old rocking chair for the front porch, a shotgun to rest on my shoulder while I rock and a rusty shovel next to me.

I will also be getting a tear drop tattoo under my eye (means I killed someone in prison)

no one will want to date "that crazy guys" daughter...

:)

HacKeR

Tk-421
06-12-2006, 07:22 PM
lol. thats funny cause my grandfather has told me a few stories about how the girls father he was taking out would sit out on the porch and make sure he had her back on time...not sure if a shotgun was involved though...anyways congrats and good luck

DFSniper
06-13-2006, 01:09 AM
lol. thats funny cause my grandfather has told me a few stories about how the girls father he was taking out would sit out on the porch and make sure he had her back on time...not sure if a shotgun was involved though...anyways congrats and good luck
lol, my sister 13 and my dads pissed that all the guns are back in the states at his brother-in-law's!

thechubbss12
06-13-2006, 08:14 AM
LOL Bamf is post Whoring this thread..... Although congrats Bamf.

Heh I think alot of women might just want to take the time read that.... maybe it would help them understand why we get so cranky when we get old?....

bamf-hacker
06-13-2006, 08:40 AM
LOL Bamf is post Whoring this thread..... Although congrats Bamf


Nice pick on me since I am not a Mod and cant ban :) I think Vike had a post for everyone of mine. But thanks on congrats!


And yes women should read this... Like I said my wife thought it was funny.

HacKeR

vikingshadow
06-13-2006, 10:26 AM
Yeah, but it's no secret that during the summer I post whore - shoot, I have nothing else to do in June, July and August!

(Had to post just to keep up with ya.....:))