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View Full Version : A girl thread...kind of? its interesting. you should definitely read it.


Moe
03-23-2006, 12:07 AM
aahhhh, woman. Can't live with em, can't live without them...

Ok, so. The background. I am a senior in highschool, and my gf is a freshman in college. We had been dating for 1.5 years when we broke up novemberish of last year....so, we are broken up, both kinda hangin out with other people, still real good friends. well, she meets this guy, for this his name is tom, and lieks him a lot. They do alot together, blah blah blah. You know. Whatever. They never actually start dating. Christmas break comes along. She is home for a month. The fire of love is burning passionatly, and we get back together...haha. So, back together. she goes back to school. all is well. I tell her i would be uncomfortable if she was hanging out with tom alone. She agrees. well, push comes to shove, they are still good friends, and they are alone a lot together. am i uncomfortable? hell yeah. I know she wont do anything. I know she just wants to be friends, but...i also know that he wants more. he likes her a lot. Well, 2 months go by. all is well. Still some tension with this tom character. he refuses to meet me becuase "i got the girl"....*****. So, ive never met him. never talked to him. all i know is that my girlfriend sticks up for him constantly, and is always telling me what a good guy he is. I beleive her. I trust them. She says he respects me. Ok, fast forward to tongiht. I call her and she is at wendys with tom. alone...i dont say anything becuase i dont want to be a ****. i know she is just friends with him. fast forward to about 12:50...i get a call from her, she is balling....Apparently they were eating their wendys in his truck and he leaned over and tried to kiss her. im like umm....wtf? .i ****in told you so. i knew this would happen. And she is all sorry and blah blah blah. so, we are good. i know she didnt try to kiss him back or anything, and she got home safely. I just kept giving her the i told you so. I was always suspicious of this kid. I never liked them being alone together. She trusted him though, so i trusted him. Its not so much the fact that he kissed her, but that he betrayed her trust. Now, she says she doesnt want me to do anything until she talks to him...so, i agree because i respect her. A serious ass kicking is in store if i ever come acrost this guy. Its a damn shame she goes to college 3.5 hours away from me. im most definltely going to call him. whatelse shall happen to this poor soul?

tl;dr. Some ******* tried to kiss my girlfriend. hes goign to be pooping out of his ears if i come acrost him.

druid
03-23-2006, 01:31 AM
um...that rots...but the "I told you so's" need to stop now and for good...or risk losing her forever because of resentment. Keep flushig it down her throat and she'll drown in it.
You told her X ammount of times already. Give it a rest and move on.

Sandman_Bravo
03-23-2006, 04:20 AM
Can men and women be friends without any underlying sexual tones? No, it hasn't been my experice that they can. Even if the line is never crossed; it has been by BOTH in thier minds. Besides, we all know how we are... guys think about sex something like every other minute according to research. I'm sorry for you but things like this only help mature you and make you stronger. Adversity builds character!

vikingshadow
03-23-2006, 04:57 AM
3 things (all based off my many years of experience!):

1. Long distance relationships (not affairs!) are next to IMPOSSIBLE to carry out. You'll have tension, you'll have distrust, and you'll drift apart. Sounds like you can check most of those off as it's already happened.

2. NEVER NEVER NEVER trust your girlfriend in a long distance relationship with other guys - alone - every day - where the girl constantly talks about the guy - and the guy has MORE exclusive access to your girlfriend than you. Be honest. You're a guy. What would YOU do with a good looking girl who was with you all the time and her boyfriend was almost 4 hours away? Think about it. That guy did exactly what 99.8 percent of men in the world would do. He might not have succeeded, but ask yourself this question. If your girlfriend wasn't torn between the two of you, why did she call you bawling? If he was "just a friend" who made an honest mistake, she'd have laughed it off and tried to make him feel better - that's how women are. She DEFINITELY would not have told you if she were totally in it for you, because a. she doesn't want to make you worry or get angry, or b. she wouldn't have thought anything about it. My experience? Even if women in a long distance relationship are "trying" to remain faithful, they aren't in their heads. They're aren't any different than guys in this case.

3. You're a senior in high school. She's in college. Two TOTALLY different worlds. Trust me. If things don't work themselves out within a couple weeks, you'd be better off finding a senior girlfriend to take to the prom.

I know that sounds very negative and against the girl, but you know what? Been there, done that, seen it several times. Voice of experience schtuff speaking. Obviously, your girlfriend thinks about this guy a lot, at least as much as she does you. There isn't room in the henhouse for two roosters. Somethings going to give, and usually, it's the rooster who only visits the hens once in a while that loses.

And how can you function correctly/normally if you're constantly thinking about what she's doing with this other guy? That's not a healthy relationship. Hate to break it this way, but it happens.

BallerX
03-23-2006, 05:42 AM
druid/vike: FTW.

I agree with them. But nothing is 100%. Probability says, things aren't going to work out with the two of you. And that's a tough thing to accept. Long distance relationships are tough, and you both need to be in it all the way. And it's hard for either of you, because you dont physically SEE the other everyday. So the mind starts to wander... it happens.

Listen to druid though. If you want to salvage this - don't be a prick. Don't shove this "I told you so" crap down her throat. She probably feels terrible in the first place, and telling her that is going to show her you care about being right more than you do about loving her. Ask her is she's alright, how she feels about this, what shes going to do next - don't scream I was right! Now I'm going to hit him!

And my experience has to agree with vike's. When my wife was in college (we were only dating then) I was already out in the world working. Well, I work LONG hours, so we didn't see much of each other. Only about 2 hours a night. But she spent 8 - 10 hours in school, and had most of her classes with this one guy. He had the hots for her, and she told me about him, and I told her he concerned me. She brushed it off. Then one day he was walking her to her car and he tried to kiss her, she slapped him told him off and went home. She didn't think much of it, and laughed about it with me later. He was pissed, but she was only in it for me. Emotions didn't run high for her over it because she could have given to Sh!!!ts about the guy.

And all this could be total BS - you guys may come out of it all right. But not without a lot of heartache and work. And a lot of relationships that work now had rocky starts... your story might be different.

DJ Katt RMX
03-23-2006, 09:14 AM
make the trip, make the magic. if you adore somthing, you have to make a decision, it'll set in your mind forever... trust me... :(

FredPo
03-23-2006, 09:17 AM
Hey man, my advise, forget this girl. If she doesn't respect you enough to hang out with a guy alone at college then she's not what you think. If my girldfriend did this, it'd be over. There's a fine line between having guy friends and hanging out alone. What guy just WANTS to hang out alone and not do anything. No guy or they are very rare. Move on to a girl who will respect you.

Fred

QAZ123
03-23-2006, 09:25 AM
1. Long distance relationship's suck.

2. A guy is friend's with a girl 99.9% of the time he want's more.

3. She don't want to break up with you but I bet she is thinking about it or wanting you to do it.

4. The guy wouldn't have just leaned over and tried to kiss her unless she was showing some type of non friendship affection.

I say drop her like a rock and find another. Your young I wouldn't worry about it.

Girl's are just as mean/mischievous as guy's and I'm not being mean to women but it's the truth.

JB.

claustrophobia9
03-23-2006, 09:32 AM
the wendys thing is over the line... if she was just friends she should have asked HIM to hang out with HER friends with her, not go to wendy's alone... plus how corny is that, "lets make out since i just bought you a 3 dollar meal" (even though she didnt, that kind of thing from a guy doesnt JUST show up, he would have had other signs of it alot earlier on that she would have picked up on) wow.... id say im going with vike... i can hardly have a very good relationship with a girl that goes to a different school than me.

QAZ123
03-23-2006, 09:40 AM
They're aren't any different than guys period!.


Fixed...

I know women who have gotten themselve's pregnant from a guy on purpose just to get them to marry/stay around.

I know women who have went clubbing just to get laid.

I know women who have played guy's out.

I know women who have had long term relationship's with men outside there marriage.

I know women who have used men to get even/break up with there other boyfriend's or to get there existing boyfriend to break up with them to go out with other's.

Women are just like men you just have to sort out the bad one's and find the good one's.

Not saying your girlfriend is one of these at all just a referance as I've seen all this happen.

During my junior and senior year in high school I was in a relationship with a girl that had me on a short leash but also had her ex on a long leash keeping him on standby if we didn't work out. Kinda sad but I never saw it cause I was "in love" but after a few year's it was clear as day and I learned a lot from it.

Edit-
And let me say one more thing. If a guy is hanging out with your girlfriend and doesn't hang out with you or doesn't speak to you he is after your girlfriend. If your girlfriend allow's it she has a lack of respect for you.

JB.

*EM1-Master*
03-23-2006, 09:52 AM
Screw statistics, screw what will "probably" happen. You love the girl, don't let people here tell you to give it up. It needs to be your decision, and you obviously care about her. A lot. The fact that she called you crying doesn't come off to me as her having feelings for him. She called you when she was violated. She didn't kiss him back, she didn't try to hide it. It was something that she did not want. Tom is her best guy friend out at college, right? She spends more time with him than any other guy, right? If anything, this should build your trust with her! She told you about it RIGHT AWAY. She felt aweful about it! She's shown that she's faithful. She's shown that you're the only one she cares about. As far as Tom, hurting him won't do a thing. It will just push you away from your girlfriend. Try to befriend him... Develop a friendship with him, so you can not only trust her, but you can trust him. The general tone in this thread so far is that you should expect the worst. I disagree. Giving up to the thoughts of society will only lead to regrets later on. Keep at it, so you'll know later on that you did everything you could to make it work. Who is to say that she's not the one? She could be the woman that you spend the rest of your life with. Live each day like it's your last, and treat each moment with her like you might never see her again. No regrets.

claustrophobia9
03-23-2006, 12:33 PM
They're aren't any different than guys in this case.
i hate to do this durring a good discussion... but you're are a teacher... if you get what im saying through that purposely placed error in this sentence.:p

i'd give her a "second chance" but thats cuz i go to an all guys school and you can't be insanely picky

Moe
03-23-2006, 12:39 PM
thanks for the advice guys, and I do love her. Im with em1-master. The fact that she called me right after it happened show that she is truthful with me. They hang out alone because they were very good friends. She would always tell me that she wished he was gay, because it would make things alot easier. In no way does she want me to break up with her. She is incredibaly mad at the guy for what he did. She doesnt want to see him, and he knows it. He knows that he screwed up. She just wanted to be friends, but he wanted more, and i will admit...my girlfriend was very very naive through the whole ordeal. But, now she sees. She understands that her feelings towards him are not at all like his feelings towards her. Im not going to hurt him. You just have to understand that i was very upset last night. 99% of guys wouldnt do that. I disagree with anyone who said that. Men should respect that someone has a boyfriend. He screwed up. He didnt do that. She has no inclination to be his friend anymore. Im glad it happened like this, and not something like her getting drunk and him taking advantage of her. I know he is out of the picture now, and i am very happy. I will most definitely give him a calll, and let him know how i feel, but there isnt goign to be any physical altercations. Im a bigger man than that. I have the girl, thats all i care about. He is a low life piece of crap for trying to pull what he did.

Moe
03-23-2006, 01:04 PM
Oh, and druid. Dont worry. In no way at all am i rubbing it in her face. She knows that i was right, and she has openly admitted that she was very naive through the whole situation.


I guess this whole thing is kind of hard to understand if you dont know the feelings we have for eachother. Which no one knows, except for us...so i guess this whole thread is pointless. haha.

druid
03-23-2006, 01:29 PM
Fixed...

I know women who have went clubbing just to get laid.

and

I know women who have had long term relationship's with men outside there marriage.

and

I know women who have used men to get even/break up with there other boyfriend's or to get there existing boyfriend to break up with them to go out with other's.
JB.

HEY MAN!!! HOOK A BRUTHUH UP!!!




LOL........j/j dude..

QAZ123
03-23-2006, 01:34 PM
Lol oh man I could tell some stories of situation's but I've alway's tried to be the good guy and steer away cause the way I look at it is karma's a ***** and what goes around comes around.

JB.

NB_Hacker_NB
03-23-2006, 01:34 PM
Act like your A LITTLE mad at her... play hard to get= gettin laid.

claustrophobia9
03-23-2006, 01:36 PM
Act like your A LITTLE mad at her... play hard to get= gettin laid.
clearly these are words of expirience. :dodgy:

BallerX
03-23-2006, 01:49 PM
I second that dodgy.

NB_Hacker_NB
03-23-2006, 02:01 PM
:moon: <Getcha a lil of that!

marvin-martian
03-23-2006, 02:08 PM
i dont think that would work in this scenario hacker...

Drefish99
03-23-2006, 02:19 PM
Moe. My turn for some advice. Lets go up to the school and pay them a visit. I'll bring my friends and you bring yours. :) We'll make him feel more comfortable being around your girl. :nunu:

Honestly it was good that she told you when it happened. Just make sure she understands now to stay away from him. No contact is the best contact. If she gives him any reason to be around he will try this again. If you say that he still has feelings for your girl you know he will... Good friends or not. Listen to the Old folks of this club. Guys and Girls don't make good friends, unless one of them is gay. Sexual tention will always play a roll. If not by one of them it will be felt by both. Why have that even anywhere close to the woman you love.

Lets go beat his ***...

Then we'll pray for him. :D

NB_Hacker_NB
03-23-2006, 02:32 PM
i dont think that would work in this scenario hacker...


If it were me it would...;)

*EM1-Master*
03-23-2006, 04:05 PM
You're really not funny. Please stop.

rowdyroper2003
03-23-2006, 04:31 PM
yeah, like said in previous pages...a high school/college relationship thing is a junction of two different worlds...

i did that my freshman year of college, with a sophmore in high school (she was a freshman when i was a senior, chill out)...we were really great friends and had a lot of fun together, but we were looking for different things from the relationship (get your mind outta the gutter guys)...she was still experiencing all the high school drama that i had come to hate...i just wanted to hang out with my friends and party and get drunk (yes, i drink. i'm in college. period. not going into that arguement!)...

alot of it had to do with the age difference, and just us being at different points in our lives...we are still friends to this day, but we decided it was best that we be friends and nothing more...

As for the long distance thing, i've not really ever known that to work, except for one of my best friends...he started dating a girl we knew around christmas of her senior year of high school, and they are still together to this day. i've had other friends who had girlfriends who constantly wanted them to drive 4 hours to come see them on the weekends, which meant putting off jobs and chores and the like...but they couldn't go to a sporting goods store on a random tuesday afternoon without being interrogated...

it's really all in the people who are in the relationship i guess. i don't want a LDR for the reason for this thread, but also:

GAS IS TOO EXPENSIVE!!!!!:headbrick:

Recon by Fire
03-23-2006, 05:38 PM
Who comes up with these foolish ideas of men and women being platonic friends? Anyone who says this is normal is A) Full of BS; B) Ghey; C) All of the above. LOL

This guy has always had the hots for your girl and still does. Your girlfriend knows it and in some ways wants/promotes his interest. Fred is absolutely correct, this behaviour is not the productive behaviour of a serious girlfriend. Sounds like stupid games to me.

QAZ123
03-23-2006, 05:44 PM
Who comes up with these foolish ideas of men and women being platonic friends? Anyone who says this is normal is A) Full of BS; B) Ghey; C) All of the above. LOL

This guy has always had the hots for your girl and still does. Your girlfriend knows it and in some ways wants/promotes his interest. Fred is absolutely correct, this behaviour is not the productive behaviour of a serious girlfriend. Sounds like stupid games to me.
QFT!!

If you notice the older guy's are saying the exact same thing as we all know better lol!

Moe do what you need to do but I tell ya what if she mention's his name or him still being around drop her like a bad habit!

JB.

Recon by Fire
03-23-2006, 05:56 PM
I once read a list of 10 things to do for a happy relationship; one thing on the list was never spend time alone with a member of the opposite sex other than your loved one. Very good advice!

My wife feels the same, she would never have a male "friend" and I also don't spend time alone with other females. It just removes the possibility of situation like in this thread.

Take heed young Padowans :)

And in our next relationship thread we will be discussing how to keep it freaky in the bedroom after several years. LOL

Moe
03-23-2006, 08:10 PM
QFT!!

If you notice the older guy's are saying the exact same thing as we all know better lol!

Moe do what you need to do but I tell ya what if she mention's his name or him still being around drop her like a bad habit!

JB.


for sure. If she is hangin out with him again, its gonna be tough luck for her. The reason i never really pushed them not being together alone was because i didnt want to seem like the controling boyfriend.

recon- honestly, my girlfriend did know that he liked her. but, she was very naive. she honestly does not have feelings for him. In no way is this some sort of game she was playing. she liked to spend time with him. that was it...she is truthful with me. i know she is. And i agree that it is a big thing not to spend time alone with the opposite sex. I have told her many times that I would never do this to her. She was just naive, and didnt understand. She is the kind of person that thinks everyone in the world is good. When she really needs to realize that people arent what they seem. This has really helped her realize that. Again, if she ends up with him alone again, I will not hessitate to dump her...damn fast.