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View Full Version : This is the funniest Ebay auction I have seen in a while...


bamf-hacker
05-30-2008, 06:09 AM
This is the text for a 12" Smartparts Barrel being sold on EBay. I will post the link to it at the end if you want to go check it out.


All right. I have to make this auction short; because I’m pretty sure Billy and/or Adam are going to sue me for even listing this without giving them some sort of monetary tribute. So hopefully I can get this done before they know what I’ve done.

I’m selling a Smart Parts All American 12” Barrel. (For both my safety and yours, I shall now refer to the company as “SP”, so as to maybe hold off their lawyers from finding this page at least for a little while), 12" with Angel threads. The barrel is brand new; I still have the original SP bag it came in. As you can see on the picture, I’ve pointed out a few things that make this the greatest barrel you could EVER posses.



1). OK… that little bit of white powder that looks like donut powdered sugar is actually some new piece of technology that the Gardener Bros. invented, copyrighted, and are about to be coming to the market with soon. You could be the FIRST person to have this technology!! Think how impressed everyone will be?!? As far as what it actually does, it’s top secret. And unfortunately, the Gardener Bros. just patented the definition of “secret”, so if I explain, I’ll get sued again. I will tell you that it will make your gun shoot farther, straighter, faster; heck, just the other day I shot a paintball through it, trying to hit my backyard fence. But my aim sucks, so it went over the fence. About 10 minutes later, some dude in New Zealand called and asked me what the hell I was doing, shooting at him? Can your barrel do that? So if you have any problems with your gun: air leaks, shootdown, solenoid fried, this barrel will fix them all, the very same way their black boxes did. With MAGIC!!



2). This is where the SP jewel is. But since the Gardener Bros. have a patent on it, I can’t show it to you. Technically, I shouldn’t be showing you the barrel at all, because they also filed a patent preventing people from making direct eye contact at anything that SP has invented. This basically contains anything ever made in paintball, ever. In fact, the Gardener Bros. should be hearing back very soon whether they have been awarded the patent on Bob Gurnsey, as well as the words Hopper, Bunker, Game, and Femme Fatale Blow Up Doll. Not too sure about that last one, but I guess they’re trying to be thorough? And in a brilliant business move, they’re trying to attempt to patent the use of breathing while playing paintball. Sheer genius. I sit in awe.



3). I’ve circled this spot because this is EXACTLY where Adam Gardner touched this barrel with his BARE HANDS. I know, right? Like not even wearing a GLOVE. I have GARDNER DNA on my barrel!! But if you want to buy this barrel, you’re going to have to move really fast, because the Gardener Bros. just filed a patent for using DNA in paintball markers.



4). These are the threads. They are designed to be used in an Angel paintball gun, but if anyone asks, tell them it’s for a SP gun, like a Shocker, or else you might get sued because SP is still demanding back payments from some licensing agreement or something and have figured the easiest way to get their money is to just sue the player and get their money straight from the source. You’ll never have to worry about these threads stripping. Because…. You guessed it. SP made them and owns the patent to using threads to attach a barrel to a paintball gun.

Geez. I just had a horrible thought. Can you imagine what paintball would be like if the Gardener Bros. had never been involved? Just think of all the FUN we would have had.

The barrel length is 12”. I think because that was the easiest number to patent.

Awwwww…. Why keep being all secretive and just get on with it. The reason you should buy this barrel is because of the original bag it came in. It says on it “Smart Parts” and then under it “Paintball”. This will become a collector’s item really soon, just as soon as the Gardener Bros. finish patenting the word paintball, then charging every paintball player to pay $0.25 in royalty’s for using the word “paintball” and only $0.15 for merely thinking the word.

So grab it quick. The name “Paintball” does not have long to live.

Besides, I'm going to need money to hire a lawyer to fight the Gardener Bros. when they come looking to sue me because my last name starts with a "h" and "h" is also in the word "shocker.

http://i23.ebayimg.com/03/i/000/f3/a0/0898_1.JPG



Here is the link:

http://cgi.ebay.com/VERY-UNIQUE-SP-AA-12-Angel-Thread-Barrel_W0QQitemZ260245161771QQihZ016QQcategoryZ160 46QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

cyberthrasher_706
05-30-2008, 06:18 AM
WOW!!, I'm really to tired to come up with more than that, I'm awe stricken.

kramernator
05-30-2008, 06:57 AM
wh-wh-what!!!!!!!!

i can't believe that, does he actually think people will believe him?

wow........wow!

HelpDeskHustler
05-30-2008, 07:05 AM
He's working in an overplayed field. I'm really tired of hearing SP bashing, it's been like 2 years, people need to get over it.

vikingshadow
05-30-2008, 08:02 AM
hahahahaha! I'm also tired of the SP bashing, but this is one of the funniest eBay descriptions I've ever seen. Very creative!

TheDarkShadow
05-30-2008, 11:25 AM
wow, haha

STRIKEFIRST
05-30-2008, 12:55 PM
hahahahaha! I'm also tired of the SP bashing, but this is one of the funniest eBay descriptions I've ever seen. Very creative!

QFT

DFSniper
05-30-2008, 01:23 PM
OMG!!!! i almost didnt finish #2!!! was laughing too hard!

irishwarrior
05-30-2008, 01:42 PM
Qloader: $100
Angel: $1000
That ebay listing: PRICELESS

LostCause
05-30-2008, 02:10 PM
lol, that was funny. couldnt stop laughing. wonder what smart parts would do if they saw that? think they would laugh?

Moe
05-30-2008, 08:11 PM
lol, that was funny. couldnt stop laughing. wonder what smart parts would do if they saw that? think they would laugh?

They would laugh all the way to the bank.


They are buisness men, and they do it well.

DisIsMyUsername
05-31-2008, 10:44 AM
lol wow. have u checked out the Q&A on it?