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marvin-martian
05-04-2008, 01:19 PM
So my girlfriend, Jessica, has a close family friend that never seemed to sit right with me. Little things he says and does to her and her sister just seemed...odd. This man, Robert, is like 40-45 or something, has a nice amount of money but still lives with his mom. Jess says that she thinks hes taking care of her, which he very well might. I dont know. Her parents have known him forever. He helped babysit the kids when they were little, and helped the family financially on multiple occasions.

Anyways...Robert frequently calls and texts Jess, and is over friendly and constantly calls her sweetie. Lately Ive been joking around with her and saying he sounds like a child molester or something and she never really said much. Yesterday evening hes texting her and asking about a party she went to a week or so ago and like asking her what she likes to drink. Jess said she thinks he was implying that he was going to get her some or something. This brought up more of my molester stuff, but i was alot more serious about it this time. This is when she decided to open up to me.

I dont know how to begin, or even what to say in this next part, so bear with me. She keeps a diary to write about really personal stuff in her life, and she didnt write this in it in fear someone else would read it. The only other person she talked about this with is her grandmother whom she was very very VERY close to, but she passed away about a year ago. All through Jess' life, Robert would try to touch her in small ways (rubbing her shoulders when shes on the computer, tickling her too much) and still attempts to do them to this day when shes 18. Well, something really big happened when she was 10. She wouldnt tell me what exactly he did, but she reassured me he didnt like finger her or anything. can i say that here? She told Grandma when it happened, and that just confirmed everything she previously thought of him. She (Nanny) brought it up to her parents who then got upset at her for brainwashing their child. Jess then said that shes pretty sure that something happened with her sister too, because there was a point where she would always, and still sometimes flinches when he does something. Jess and her nanny asked Jennifer about it, but she wouldnt say anything.

So now Jess,her nanny and I believe Robert practically bought his way into the family. Her parents either dont see anything, or are looking past the little things he does, or possibly sees it all as him being a nice guy. Now Im in at a point where i feel like i need to do something, but cant think of anything that would have an affect.

Any help?

irishwarrior
05-04-2008, 01:51 PM
If he acts a little over-friendly to your girlfriend you can divert him away in a slightly cold manner example: Your girlfriend is on the computer and he starts rubbing her shoulders, put your hand on his shoulder and tell him he's needed elsewhere in a tone that implies false nicety. He'll get the hint. If he continues tell him you don't find it acceptable and tell him to back off.

PS: this may not be the best advice but it's all I have.

spray and pray
05-04-2008, 01:56 PM
hit him in the face


:dodgy:


^^^That would probably be the first thing you should do. Do that 2-3 times and if it doesn't work somebody will come up with something else.

irishwarrior
05-04-2008, 01:59 PM
^ I like that, though the irony of being hit in the gonads would be sweet.

Team Ramrod
05-04-2008, 02:00 PM
How close are you with the Parents? If their trusting of you and understand how your relationship is with their daughter, you might want to mention it to them. Try getting your GF to open up more and find out what exactly happened or get her to talk to her parents as well, if this happens the if something did happen between this man and her sister then she might have the courage to come forward too.

Tough situation, i wish you and her the best of luck and honestly hope it is an over-reaction but you shouldn't let it go until you can be sure, especially if this man is going to be around for a while.

TheDarkShadow
05-04-2008, 02:02 PM
hit him in the face


:dodgy:


^^^That would probably be the first thing you should do. Do that 2-3 times and if it doesn't work somebody will come up with something else.

marv's kind of a small guy I dont know how that'd work out. anyway yea if you are close to her family you might try and talk to them about it

DirtySouth
05-04-2008, 02:03 PM
Hmmmm...Sounds like you got a problem here...First, I'd go with what irishwarrior said, if that doesn't work, beat the crap out of him.

TheDarkShadow
05-04-2008, 02:05 PM
if that doesn't work, beat the crap out of him.

is that your answer to everything?

big_daddy_d
05-04-2008, 02:23 PM
in this situation I wouldn't recommend violence, its not your place. Obviously its up to your gf to confront this individual on their past or bring it to the attention of someone who can hold this person responsible. Honestly you saying anything about his touchy feeliness may not be a good answer either, your gf needs to set that boundary so you don't come across as an overprotective asshat. Once she's made her wishes known to him then it may be more appropriate for you to step in when you notice it. Obviously a difficult situation but until she or the parents bring it up there's not much that can be done. Keep us posted.

OSOK
05-04-2008, 02:30 PM
:yeahthat:

If your GF tries to set a boundary with him, and he just keeps doing it, and you come in, if he continues you might want to have your GF file a restraining order to keep herself safe. I mean it may be over-cautious but if he is really messing with her it would be a good thing.

If the parents will not do anything or believe you will definitely want to take some legal action.

xsvly-fat
05-04-2008, 03:01 PM
idk, threaten him with anthrax that always seems to work.

spray and pray
05-04-2008, 03:09 PM
threaten him with estrogen not anthrax


:dodgy:

Just try what we said before (violence free :() and if that doesn't work coem back.

HelpDeskHustler
05-04-2008, 03:19 PM
Wow, would you guys be more mature? Marv brings a serious problem here and you just come up with bull**** responses like it's a joke (aside from some of you of course). Marv, try to get involved, let her know you're there to help. If you feel like she's too afraid to say something, tell her mom and/or the police. Seriously.

spray and pray
05-04-2008, 03:22 PM
We did give a serious answer of what we think. After that we made jokes, we will stop now.

marvin-martian
05-04-2008, 03:24 PM
The parents were told when whatever happened happened, and they chose not to believe her. She also says it isnt a real problem anymore, and that he hardly comes around anymore, but i just want to be safer than that.

Thank you to all of you who had serious solutions.
To the others...gtfo my thread/intarwebz.

HelpDeskHustler
05-04-2008, 03:39 PM
Even though it's weird and I'd be pissed about the little things because it's not right, you still should try to find out how severe the 10-year old thing is. If it's bad I'd tell her that she needs to take it to the cops and see what her options are within reason. I wouldn't count on him getting locked away, but a restraining order might be a possibility.

xsvly-fat
05-04-2008, 03:56 PM
have you ever been their when this happened or does he just do it in private? if it is really bad then i would suggest you, her, and her parents talk about it, cause if it is a serious thing (or even if it isnt that serious) you should try to stop it before it gets even more out of hand. also, sorry for cracking that joke i understand that is an issue

marvin-martian
05-04-2008, 03:56 PM
She said she would tell me what the 10 year old thing was when we were in the right setting.

How close are you with the Parents? If their trusting of you and understand how your relationship is with their daughter, you might want to mention it to them. Try getting your GF to open up more and find out what exactly happened or get her to talk to her parents as well, if this happens the if something did happen between this man and her sister then she might have the courage to come forward too.

Tough situation, i wish you and her the best of luck and honestly hope it is an over-reaction but you shouldn't let it go until you can be sure, especially if this man is going to be around for a while.

Her parents love me, but they wouldnt listen to me if i told them something their daughter told me, which was already brought to their attention and pushed aside. If i bring it up to them, I can only see them saying that hes a good family friend and that Jess' grandma brainwashed her, who then brainwashed me.

in this situation I wouldn't recommend violence, its not your place. Obviously its up to your gf to confront this individual on their past or bring it to the attention of someone who can hold this person responsible. Honestly you saying anything about his touchy feeliness may not be a good answer either, your gf needs to set that boundary so you don't come across as an overprotective asshat. Once she's made her wishes known to him then it may be more appropriate for you to step in when you notice it. Obviously a difficult situation but until she or the parents bring it up there's not much that can be done. Keep us posted.

Shes already doing a good job and not giving him anything to go off of and being cold when needed. There are times where hes sitting on the couch, and shes walking by and he tells her to sit on his lap or something. She then makes it clear to him that none of that or anything like it will be happening.


If your GF tries to set a boundary with him, and he just keeps doing it, and you come in, if he continues you might want to have your GF file a restraining order to keep herself safe. I mean it may be over-cautious but if he is really messing with her it would be a good thing.

If the parents will not do anything or believe you will definitely want to take some legal action.

i thought about legal action, but I wouldnt know how to go about doing it, or even if she will go for it.

durrell
05-04-2008, 03:57 PM
It's a delicate situation because of the parents' relationship with him. If I was you I would probably sit back and wait to see how he acts from now on. If it becomes an issue later and you are sure of it, I would take it straight to the Police and skip the parents. If they are too ignorant/non-caring to confront him about it, then skip over them and take it to someone who WILL take care of it.

DFSniper
05-04-2008, 04:11 PM
i agree with D. i think right now the only thing you can do is wait for something to happen while you're around, and then step in and let him (verbally) know that you don't approve of him doing that.

irishwarrior
05-04-2008, 04:18 PM
:yeahthat: I agree with durrel.

Critical
05-04-2008, 05:36 PM
Having been in a situation where a case of familial "issues" came up, I can say that you cannot get directly involved. The first thing that happens, no matter what your current relationship with her family is, is that you will get a ton of crap handed to you. Some of it with serious legal implications. Once she is comfortable, and opens up to you about what happened, you need to talk to her about what she wants to happen. Her concern for other members of the family may be a good place to start. She needs to see a professional therapist, who she trusts enough to tell everything to. Since her family is turning a blind eye (not uncommon, unfortunately), she needs to take the initiative, and you can help by being a shoulder to cry on, etc. Under NO circumstances should you confront this guy, or have a conversation with any member of her family about it. Some things for you and her to think about:
1. Generally, if these people have started inappropriate relationships with her and her sister, there are probably more out there that may need help.
2. They do not stop on their own.
3. In almost every case, there is a progression of acts getting worse.
4. Without serious therapy, and even with the recidivism rate is nearly 100%, a professional will be able to initiate the process to see if he has a background, and can notify the proper authorities.

Good luck! And remember, once you get her to open up and confront this issue, you need to be there to support and comfort her, not to tell her what to do or how horrible a human being he is.

OSOK
05-04-2008, 07:39 PM
If you are not sure where to start with legal action, or if she will do it just simply wait until she opens. Then if it still is a problem talk to your GF about talking to the authorities, a lot of people would be embarrassed but there really is nothing to be embarrassed about.