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View Full Version : Prologue to the book I'll never get around to writing.


WhatThaSmurf
03-03-2008, 09:14 AM
Two-hundred thirty-seven. Maybe that solo fishing trip was a bad idea after all. Three months after making port on that island. It looked like a good place to stop for supplies; there was a store, a bar, and a hotel easily recognizable from three hundred meters off shore. Too bad nobody was there, even though there were supplies. Even fuel, although getting it from the out-of-order pump was a trick. It wasn't a large island, only took a few hours to sail around the whole damn thing. But after three days of going around and around, it was obviously devoid of life.

Two-hundred thirty-seven: that's how many typographical errors Ben had noted in the newspaper he had brought with him. In three months he finally decided he had found them all, but then again he also thought he might be going crazy.

Just over three months ago Ben had left his beautiful beach home in Mexico. He had to get away from that *****; fishing sounded like a great idea. "Is this how you say you're sorry?" That was the last thing she screamed at him before her voice was lost to the roar of the engine. Now he actually missed her, always keeping her pale blue scarf with him as he lived there. Alone in that God forsaken hotel at the port.

He had long ago emptied the bar of it's various drinks, content to live it up for a few days until the people who resided there returned. But they didn't, nor did it look like they would. He didn't even have a damn clue where he was; his GPS equipment never did work properly. He had probably been there for about two weeks when he finally succombed. "I need help," he thought over and over to himself for days, preparing to ration the food in the store for...however long he could.

Three months. Or was it four? He couldn't remember anymore. That's how long it was until he saw it. A boat. Smaller than his, floating lazily about a hundred meters offshore. Damaged, half sunk, drifting parallel to the island. He couldn't decide whether he want to go check it out or not. Ben was frightened, but maybe it had a working GPS. He headed out to it in the little fishing dingy he always towed behind his yacht.

As Ben drew nearer to the damaged vessel, he was certain there was no one aboard. The port side was low enough to the surface of the water that he was able to simply step from the dingy to the ocean-washed wooden deck. Then he saw it: a GPS antenna. His boat had one too, it was the equipment inside he needed. He walked across the slanted surface of the off kilter craft and reached the door leading down the the main salon; through there was the bridge. And the vital equipment he hoped would still be functional.

Ben reached for the handle and gave it a turn. There was an audible click. The last thing Ben Whitefield thought of was his wife, and how much he dispised that cheating whore.

****

In the lookout station up on the bluff, P.F.C. Markley smiled contently as he watched the explosion. He logged the successful elimination of the intruder and sent a notice to the rebel HQ that Recovery was cleared to procure the unfortunate bastard's seventy-five foot fishing yacht from the port.


---------------
The first half of this was written by me as an in-class writing assignment. I was given 3 locations: the bottom of an empty in ground pool, a deserted island, and something else I don't remember. Then I was given 3 props, and 3 lines of dialogue. I was to choose 1 location, 2 props, and 2 lines of dialogue to use in an open-ended short story that my partner (who did the same thing with the same 5 items) was supposed to finish. My partner wasn't there, so I finished it. That made up the second half of the prologue. I managed to still leave it open-ended. I have a basic plot in my head and scratched down as notes, but I doubt I will ever get around to finishing it. Regardless, feedback would be appreciated.

durrell
03-03-2008, 09:27 AM
Pretty interesting. Sounds like something I'd read. Very Gary Paulsen-ish.

TheRedBarron
03-03-2008, 09:31 AM
Im going to be THAT guy...

TL;DR :p






I actually did read it, pretty interesting so far, well done mate.

bamf-hacker
03-03-2008, 10:29 AM
sounds good... Post more as you have it.

WhatThaSmurf
03-03-2008, 10:40 AM
Yes well, if I do get around to writing it, it will be a while. I have enough material to make a short story, but I also have a lot of loose ends. The story is told through at least 4 perspectives currently. Of course Whitefield and Markley, the wife (currently unnamed, because names are hard) and the rebel leader, who currently is named Jean-Luc Leclerc and has a background in French counter-intelligence and SpecOps. Very hard to write, as the story goes back as far as 15 years before Whitefield's death and forward to some as of yet determined point in the near future post-Whitefield. All names are subject to change, but I really like Markley and Jean-Luc. I will say that the earliest chronological connection is between Markley (or a family member/friend, still haven't decided) and a "side business" of Whitefield, who owned a car dealership.

TheDarkShadow
03-03-2008, 04:19 PM
Very Gary Paulsen-ish.

I agree, I'm really liking it, I want to read more

DFSniper
03-03-2008, 05:04 PM
kinda Dean Koontz-ish (sorry, just finished reading Seize the Night)

so thats what you've been doing for the past couple of months. no wonder i hadnt seen you online that much!

WhatThaSmurf
03-04-2008, 02:30 AM
I guess I can give you guys a little more info:


Character Bio: P.F.C. Markley (age 24 at Prologue)
Full Name/Rank: Private First Class William Norbert "Chile" Markley, Australian Defense Force, Army Division
Status: AWOL, Dishonorable Discharge pending court marshall
Heritage: Irish
Parents: Catherine Anne McNeal, deceased
Randal James Markley, missing/presumed dead
NOTE: Randy J. Markley alleged I.R.A. assassin
Hair: dark brown/black
Eyes: grey
Height/weight: 178 cm (5'10") / 79 kg (174 lbs)
NOTES: Reported AWOL at age 20, whereabouts unknown
Expert marksman and tracker, notable leadership skills
Promotion to Lance Corporal withheld, disorderly conduct and disrespecting senior officer
Markley claimed to stopped ranking officer from harrassing elderly female fruit vendor, no investigation
AWOL status reported shortly after denied promotion
Known Affiliates: Commandant Jean-Luc Leclerc, former French Counter Intelligence and Special Operations Commander