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View Full Version : Girlfriends/Wives!!!!!


MVS1
02-01-2008, 11:14 PM
Never fails, as soon as you get something new they take it over! Got ye old year tax return and decided it was time to retire the ol mother ship that had served me so well for the last 7 years to the kids and get me a new computer. Picked out a damn fine one IMO and as usual it only took one day for the Misses to take it over. The kick in the ass is I just bought her a damn nice laptop not 2 months ago, because she just had to have one, now it's mine so don't feel too bad for me :D, but isn't that how it always goes...you get something new and cool and ALL of the sudden they want it:rolleyes:

druid
02-01-2008, 11:56 PM
dude...the moment you say "I do" is the moment she takes your 'jewels' and runs. Now compound the problem (as I have) and let her spit out three more females (daughters) to make things more...uh..."fun" :dodgy:

bigred76
02-02-2008, 12:00 AM
Bahahaha! I'm glad Cheri's whipped. :dodgy:

bamf-hacker
02-02-2008, 03:35 AM
She will be until you say "I do."

And if you don't believe me read the posts above.

Tis life and we chose that path, WHAT WHERE WE THINKING!!!!

Sandman_Bravo
02-02-2008, 04:54 AM
Remember the 3 rings:
The engagement ring
The wedding ring







and the suffering!

vikingshadow
02-02-2008, 04:56 AM
18 years - and it's the same. Only difference is, at this point it's like that old dog who's just too tired to do anything about it anymore. I'd rather just lay by the fireplace and sleep than fight it anymore...

Did you guys not see the fine print in marriage license? I actually found it a couple years ago. It says:

************************************************** **********************

"Male signee does, upon signing and stating "I do" in front of witnesses, agree to give up everything that said signee holds dear, including motorcycles and sex multiple times a day/week, watching movies that "chick" and "flick" do not belong, and doing anything by yourself. Furthermore, all holidays and anniversaries will be about the female signee in perpetuity. "Yes, dear" will become a permanent part of the male vocabulary with penalties for withholding said agreement ranging from the "cold shoulder" to sleeping on the couch, to the withdrawl of sex for two weeks after you finally agree, or until next "special event in the couple's life" anniversary. More penalties may and can include monthly trips on your wife's menstrual cycle and production of female children, (which will, anywhere from 10 years to 15 years, include many more of these "trips") and dealing with boys that should not have survived birth, if current theories on Darwinism are correct.

For future reference, this claus may be called "Arm and Leg" or "giving of the left testicle." The male signee may use humor to make fun of his, and other males, situation, so long as a disclaimer stating it was all in fun and an apology is included.

The female signee has the right to use tears as a primary form of offense at any time, with no repurcussions from the male signee.

Congratulations, and may God have mercy on your soul!"

************************************************** *********************

I swear it's there. Look for yourself! They even take your blood (syphllis test, my butt!) and load it in the pen that you sign the license with.

I haven't seen the family jewels in about 10 years....:(

However, I do have some concessions. I have a small corner in the laundry room that's sort of mine. I get the television to watch my shows - at 6 in the morning on Saturday. I also got a laptop! (My wife hates it, hahaha!) The trick is to act like it's not what you wanted in the first place, then never appear happy using it.

Disclaimer: If my wife, or any female should happen to be reading this, please understand it's humor in poor taste! Yes, dear. I apologize, I shouldn't have said anything...

:p

battlechaser
02-02-2008, 05:41 AM
18 years - and it's the same. Only difference is, at this point it's like that old dog who's just too tired to do anything about it anymore. I'd rather just lay by the fireplace and sleep than fight it anymore...

Did you guys not see the fine print in marriage license? I actually found it a couple years ago. It says:

************************************************** **********************

"Male signee does, upon signing and stating "I do" in front of witnesses, agree to give up everything that said signee holds dear, including motorcycles and sex multiple times a day/week, watching movies that "chick" and "flick" do not belong, and doing anything by yourself. Furthermore, all holidays and anniversaries will be about the female signee in perpetuity. "Yes, dear" will become a permanent part of the male vocabulary with penalties for withholding said agreement ranging from the "cold shoulder" to sleeping on the couch, to the withdrawl of sex for two weeks after you finally agree, or until next "special event in the couple's life" anniversary. More penalties may and can include monthly trips on your wife's menstrual cycle and production of female children, (which will, anywhere from 10 years to 15 years, include many more of these "trips") and dealing with boys that should not have survived birth, if current theories on Darwinism are correct.

For future reference, this claus may be called "Arm and Leg" or "giving of the left testicle." The male signee may use humor to make fun of his, and other males, situation, so long as a disclaimer stating it was all in fun and an apology is included.

The female signee has the right to use tears as a primary form of offense at any time, with no repurcussions from the male signee.

Congratulations, and may God have mercy on your soul!"

************************************************** *********************

I swear it's there. Look for yourself! They even take your blood (syphllis test, my butt!) and load it in the pen that you sign the license with.

I haven't seen the family jewels in about 10 years....:(

However, I do have some concessions. I have a small corner in the laundry room that's sort of mine. I get the television to watch my shows - at 6 in the morning on Saturday. I also got a laptop! (My wife hates it, hahaha!) The trick is to act like it's not what you wanted in the first place, then never appear happy using it.

Disclaimer: If my wife, or any female should happen to be reading this, please understand it's humor in poor taste! Yes, dear. I apologize, I shouldn't have said anything...

:p

Sweet Jesus, what have I gotten myself into. ;)

You forgot about the part where all association with other males will be strictly monitored and recorded as 'evidence' for any and all relationship squabbles from then on.

applesauce
02-02-2008, 01:25 PM
put an orange in a sock and take back the relashionship!!!! (this is only a joke)

DFSniper
02-02-2008, 03:15 PM
situations like that kinda make me glad that i'm single, but only kinda :(

MVS1
02-02-2008, 05:57 PM
put an orange in a sock and take back the relashionship!!!! (this is only a joke)

ROFL...

Hoppy11
02-03-2008, 08:12 AM
situations like that kinda make me glad that i'm single, but only kinda :(

Enjoy it while you can man...........

DFSniper
02-04-2008, 03:43 PM
thats what they always tell me... i've been single for 4 years, and i think im done enjoying it :(