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Ace24
12-08-2007, 02:33 PM
Well, since I've come to you guys with other things... I need to come to you with this also. I need advice on what to do.

My girlfriend has been doing speed for some time now... and I don't think she has plans on stopping. I've been crying for a while (funny, because I already knew she did it... it's just hitting me now what her life expectancy is and such) about it due to the fact that I've never felt this way about anyone, ever, in my life. I really do love her. We've been together for over 5 months now (not long) and we've really started getting close. She's trusting me more with things and sees that I'm not going to use her like her ex's did.

Anyway, the biggest thing I have a problem with is the fact that she's doing this drug with people she doesn't even know, or barely knows. I mean I'd still be upset if it was her friends... but this is much worse. I don't want them taking advantage of her when she's "high" and her getting raped, or her cheating on me in the heat of the high.

I'm really torn up about this and I've talked to her already. See, my sister (33 years of age) did drugs from the time she was 17 until now. She's lost all her beauty, her husband, her money, her jobs, everything. She's practically homeless and I don't want to see that happen to Rika (my gf). It really hits home when you've seen someone you love go through it before... and when you see someone you love equally as much, blindly, if not intentionally ruining her life, it REALLY hurts.

She wanted to die by 20 originally, before she met me. Her life has been nothing but pain, disappointment, abuse, and hardship. Her father and mother are divorced (they are REALLY immature. Don't like me because I'm white, try to get back at each other all the time using Rika and have no regard for what she wants out of life.) and treat her like ****.

Her father is a sexist, racist, prestigious(wrong word?), inconsiderate pig, and her mother just doesn't care. I can see why she feels she wants to die early, but I don't want her to. Her "friends" treat her like ****, her whole family talks down to her(all the relatives), and her parents are trying to control what she becomes in life. They are not letting her decide what profession she wants to get into. Her parents want her to be a lawyer or a CSI Phornesics(sp) Investigator. She wants to be a sound engineer... music is her life. But her parents don't care, think it's stupid, have told her that she's stupid for wanting to do it, and have told her that she's going to do what they want her to.

I'm trying to show her there is more to life, that there are things to live for, that love does exist so she'll believe in it again, and that everything gets better with time. She said now she wants to live to 40... but that's not old at all. In all honesty, I can see myself with her for the rest of my life... and she's said the same. I don't want to lose her at 40.

How do I help her to stop using (even if it is once every month/couple of months) without being controlling and nonsupporting? I'm really torn up and I don't know what to do.

The Pumper
12-08-2007, 02:39 PM
Sounds like shes a complete addict to the drug. If so, rehab is the best option. I'd really sit her down and talk to her about using the drug. Obviously no drug is good, nor is speed one of the safest, but tell her to limit herself in doing so. Stopping cold turkey does not help. I've tried with cigarettes and it doesnt help. Just do it a little less each time and eventually, or at elast hopefully, she wont do it anymore.

Now, I'm not very attractive but when I get in a relationship with a girl, I want her to listen to what I have to say and take into consideration my feelings. If she refuses or doesnt want to, then there really isnt a point of dating.

So, if she loves you like the way you say she does, then she'll either limit herself or just stop altogether. All in all, hopefully she can stop and you two can live together forever. ;)

Ace24
12-08-2007, 02:43 PM
I also need prayer... I've been missing school. Yes, high school. I'm 18, I should be a freshman in college... but I'm still in high school. Why? Well my close friend committed suicide when I was in my sophomore year, I couldn't sleep because of it. Ended up sleeping days, awake nights and that kicked me back a year.

Then I still had trouble with sleeping. I couldn't wake up in time for school and would miss my first few classes. I started getting depressed because there was nothing I could do about it and just started sleeping through the school day. I was embarrassed to show my face, and be ridiculed by the teachers, students and the like.

Well, I'm still screwed up. I can't wake up for school. I keep worrying about everyone, everything, and being embarrassed to show my face and it's keeping me out of school again. I can't sleep.

I'm not dropping out. I refuse to get a G.E.D. But it's so hard. I don't expect a lot of you to understand what Rika or I am going through... but if you could pray for us... it would mean a great deal.

Ace24
12-08-2007, 02:46 PM
Sounds like shes a complete addict to the drug. If so, rehab is the best option. I'd really sit her down and talk to her about using the drug. Obviously no drug is good, nor is speed one of the safest, but tell her to limit herself in doing so. Stopping cold turkey does not help. I've tried with cigarettes and it doesnt help. Just do it a little less each time and eventually, or at elast hopefully, she wont do it anymore.

Now, I'm not very attractive but when I get in a relationship with a girl, I want her to listen to what I have to say and take into consideration my feelings. If she refuses or doesnt want to, then there really isnt a point of dating.

So, if she loves you like the way you say she does, then she'll either limit herself or just stop altogether. All in all, hopefully she can stop and you two can live together forever. ;)


She has almost broken up with me because she's afraid she isn't good enough for me. She hates to see me upset and doesn't want me to be. So when I get upset about something she's done or doing, and hurt, she feels really bad and doesn't want me to have that. She thinks I don't deserve it. But I don't want her leaving me because of that. It would hurt me more then she could ever know... and I've told her that.

I really think she does care about my feelings, considering if I'm down, she tries everything in her powers to get me happy again, and if she doesn't succeed, she herself gets down.

The Pumper
12-08-2007, 02:46 PM
Definitely in mine. Good luck to both of you and your relationship.

If ya need to talk, feel free to PM me. You can also get me on AIM if I'm not on. :)

The Pumper
12-08-2007, 02:48 PM
She has almost broken up with me because she's afraid she isn't good enough for me. She hates to see me upset and doesn't want me to be. So when I get upset about something she's done or doing, and hurt, she feels really bad and doesn't want me to have that. She thinks I don't deserve it. But I don't want her leaving me because of that. It would hurt me more then she could ever know... and I've told her that.

I really think she does care about my feelings, considering if I'm down, she tries everything in her powers to get me happy again, and if she doesn't succeed, she herself gets down.Well then, just sit her down and spill your heart out and maybe you 2 can make some sort of a plan on doing this whole drug sitution. Like I said, feel free to PM me and talk if you need it.

DFSniper
12-08-2007, 02:51 PM
wow, thats a tough one. i've had my fair share of suicidal and semi-suicidal friends, so i know what you mean when she says she wants to die before she reaches a certain age. one of my good friends had severe mood swings, threatening his ex girlfriends with killing her and himself, smokes cigarettes so much that he used to tell me he doesn't care if he lives 'til he's 40, lots of sadistic tendencies, etc. as for the drugs, i've always tried to distance myself from people who use drugs, but, the one one girl who is like a sister to me told me that she's a recreational pot smoker. every time she brings it up i get on her case about it, but i don't know if that helps because she's in a different state.

i think that the best thing you can do for her right now is show her how much she has to live for, and what the drugs will end up doing to her--and the people that care about her--in the long run. once she has accepted the fact that speed is going to ruin her life, she needs to get professional help before its too late. i'm sure that with enough guidance and support you'll be able to help her get over it.

i'm sure TRB and others can give you more advice, but thats the best i could come up with.


edit:
She has almost broken up with me because she's afraid she isn't good enough for me. She hates to see me upset and doesn't want me to be. So when I get upset about something she's done or doing, and hurt, she feels really bad and doesn't want me to have that. She thinks I don't deserve it. But I don't want her leaving me because of that. It would hurt me more then she could ever know... and I've told her that.

I really think she does care about my feelings, considering if I'm down, she tries everything in her powers to get me happy again, and if she doesn't succeed, she herself gets down.

try not to show her that you're upset, but every time she takes a step forward, show her how happy that makes you.

as for school, keep it up. a diploma will always count more than a GED.

and you'll be in my prayers.

Ace24
12-08-2007, 03:14 PM
At this point... I wish it was just recreational pot smoking... I don't really care about pot. My ex did it, I've been around her while she did it... what ever... it's probably the safest of the drugs... so if she was doing that once every couple months, I honestly wouldn't care.

But... UGH! I need to stop thinking about it. I'm going to work out and shower then go see her.

battlechaser
12-08-2007, 05:13 PM
I hear for you, man. I've been there, but unfortunately for me, my ex's mother figured I was just another guy out there to get some, not to help clean her up, even threatened to get a restraining order against me (which in retrospect is kind of hilarious, being I'm normally one of the nicest guys around... or at least I think.... ;)) This was back when I was 17, so it was a while ago (I'm 24 now, and engaged... scary... )

i think that the best thing you can do for her right now is show her how much she has to live for, and what the drugs will end up doing to her--and the people that care about her--in the long run. once she has accepted the fact that speed is going to ruin her life, she needs to get professional help before its too late. i'm sure that with enough guidance and support you'll be able to help her get over it.

DF is right, there are only a few things that are going to stop her from using, and all of them hinge on her deciding her life is worth living, and you seem like you're a good influence on her so there's a great start. :) If it were me, and this would be the only thing I regret not doing, is simply telling her how I felt, and that I'd be there if she wanted to change. She has to want that change.

Unfortunately as well.. the parents are obviously part and parcel of the problem, and the only real solution is to remove them from the equation, it might be a good idea for her to move out. At least that way she doen't have to deal with the constant nagging.

The biggest part for her is knowing that she has someone to turn to that isn't going to take advantage of her. Just make sure, if anything she knows that.

I'm pulling for you two.

And if you need someone to talk to, my msn is derek_owns_a_guerrilla_radio@hotmail.com

08Lud08
12-08-2007, 05:26 PM
I say just go to school, set like 5 alarm clocks. My sister would do the same thing and just end up skipping school because she woke up like 4 hours late. and then she would get indoor suspension for and would just skip school cause theres no point to spend the whole school day in room not doing any classwork and fail all your classes so they kicked her out because she was already 18. then she had to take classes for a year at another place and pay $2000 for it.

long story short just go to school before you stress yourself out even more.

For your girlfriend I don't know what to do because there are a lot a ways to handle it. What I would do is talk to her and learn the whole situation and see how to help her solve it. Dont make yourself look like she is making feel worse even though she is, because like you said she will feel worse keeping the cycle. you have to be strong for you and her. Let her know that your there for her and you want to be there for her forever.

DFSniper
12-08-2007, 05:33 PM
DF is right, there are only a few things that are going to stop her from using, and all of them hinge on her deciding her life is worth living, and you seem like you're a good influence on her so there's a great start. :)

if theres one thing i learned from my psychology class, its that when it comes to addiction, the only way that help will work is if you admit you have a problem first. the AA 12 step program is a good example, and doesn't have to be limited to alcohol. if you don't WANT to change, you won't be motivated enough to try and change. so once you can get her to WANT to kick the habit, it will make the actual process a lot easier.

DRAGON
12-08-2007, 05:39 PM
I think you should both sit down and watch the movie 'Harold & Maude'. It seems to somewhat fit the criteria that you've posted here. It's an older movie but I think you both may relate. It's very funny and sad at the same time. Not quite sure 'the message' will aide your concerns but it's something to think about anyways. I guaranty you'll at least get a few good laughs from it if nothing else -

Far as your g/f's crank addiction, it's really up to her to see the light and escape. She must think about what negatives it's attributing to her life and how stopping can empower positives. From what you've posted about her home life situation and self-esteem I know that'll be tough. Having trouble sleeping? You dippin too? -

One of my sons was having a negative time in his life when he was very young. He kept making the same mistakes over and over. I asked him if there was a bully waiting for him at the same corner every day after school, would he continue taking the same path every day getting his ass kicked or find an alternative route? It's the same thing with life, if things aren't going right and always find yourself in a fix, you must change it. If you don't then you have no one else but yourself to blame for being miserable. I know being young makes you feel powerless of control sometimes, but continually sitting in your own **** w/o even making an effort to change things will assuredly do nothing but prolong the stinch you seek to escape. A good start is to find a local responsible relative/adult and seek their help -

I could give you a million suggestions but I cannot give you and/or your g/f the incentive to follow recovery through. Seems like I've been through a million and one very crazy trials in my lifetime, including being given my last rights at a hospital but for some reason, I'm still here. I have the scars(all with a story) to prove it. They never seem to stop even today. Get used to it, life will never stop challenging you - ;)

battlechaser
12-08-2007, 05:58 PM
if theres one thing i learned from my psychology class, its that when it comes to addiction, the only way that help will work is if you admit you have a problem first. the AA 12 step program is a good example, and doesn't have to be limited to alcohol. if you don't WANT to change, you won't be motivated enough to try and change. so once you can get her to WANT to kick the habit, it will make the actual process a lot easier.

Exactly. Ace's job is just to get her motivated enough to admit that, or rather, to care about him, or herself enough to. The problem with having a self destructive personality isn't just that you hurt yourself, it's that you hurt everyone around you by doing it. Even if you don't realize you are.

deano 177
12-08-2007, 05:59 PM
Do you have counselors at your school or church? Maybe not your church but a different one of the same faith? You could try to talk to one of them. Since you are an adult you should be able to have a little more control over you privacy. You don't have to give any names when you talk to them. Just use "my friend" or something like that. If you don't want to go that route here are some ones around where you live:

Center For Youth (http://yellowpages.aol.com/business/center-for-youth/rochester/ny/1,107618135/)

585-271-7670 905 Monroe Ave, Rochester,NY 14620
Free Voluntary Confidential 24 Hour Counselor

http://www.hopelinks.net/drug-rehab/teen/new-york.html

http://www.addictionsearch.com/treatment_facilities/city/east-rochester/NY/counseling-services_1.html

I hope you can get some resolution. One way or the other. I have been "involved" in relationships where the people have had addictions. Some times, you must do what is best for you and the other person. One of my best friends was on coke. I ended up cutting all ties with that person because I was an "enabler (http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-an-enabler.htm)". He is now clean and has a great job that he actually goes to. Do what is best for you and it may just work out good for the other person, too.

slim and shady
12-08-2007, 06:30 PM
Well I have been through the drug seen with my extended family, it was speed to. The only way to go is if they want help, to want help they have to hit rock bottom. Then rehab, unfortinatly most cases end up in relapse the first time, but there are better resaults latter. I can tell you honestly there is alot of hope for your GF my brother inlaw was into the speed hard, and in trouble with the law and everything else that brings. But he hit rock bottom went to rehab. Today he is a jorneymen electrician has a brand new house, mustang, truck and a son. So there is alot of hope for recovery and alot of hope for happy life after without the drug.
Alot of people I knew commited suicide there was another 2 friends a few years back. Like your story it was drug related there to, I think personaly if you can help her find a life without her crutch she will have alot more of a positive outlook on life. One peoblem will take care of the next so to speek.

About sleeping.................I had the same problems for a wial, you gotta sort out whats in your head. Councilling maby I dunno. take a step back man. Your 18 and have alot of your life left. When your out of school you will see how drasticaly your life will change, its not the end its the begining. My advice is try to slow down a little take some time for yourself!

Ace24
12-08-2007, 06:59 PM
Well I hung out with her for about 40 mins tonight. I couldn't bring up the subject... She was cold (from walking around outside waiting for me... time flew by :( ) and we just cuddled and I warmed her up.

What she said is what bothers me, (while cold) "...and you said speed will kill me."

The way she said it was like she was joking around, not serious about the outcome of the drug. Like it won't kill her. I'm wondering if she just doesn't understand what it can do to her, therefore indulging in what, at that moment, makes her life seem a little brighter.

Dragon, I'm not on drugs. Never done any accept alcohol and never will do anything more then that. Even the alcohol is a rare event. I'll have a drink or two with my brother, at a wedding, or with family or a party... but I don't drink regularly.

I don't think she's addicted... she doesn't talk about it like an addict would. Either that or she is, and is ashamed of it. Druggies lie... I've learned that the hard way with my sister. So that 1 and 1/2 month ago that she did it might be a lie.

I was tearing up a little in the car and she asked what was wrong. I just told her that I worry about her. No other words would come out. Tomorrow I'm going to have 2 hours alone with her and I'm going to pour my heart out to her. Tell her how I feel, what I don't want to see happening to her... and ask her why she does it. I can already expect the answer. "because it feels good."

I have a feeling that it's an escape. Somehow I've got to be that escape, or find another route for her to get that happiness without resorting to drugs.

She is very much a child... or shall I say, 'childish.' I really don't think she stops to think of the severity of the situation she can get herself into, but rather goes into it in a child like manor, just looking for fun.

Thanks guys. Keep praying... <3

EDIT:
Something I thought I'd add.

I broke down today in the shower, before picking her up. I prayed to God with tears in my eyes that he'd show her how much she means to me. To help me show her that there is more to life then this. That she needs to live, that life will get better. I prayed that I would be able to talk to her about it without her being upset, and somehow show her that there are other paths to happiness.

I really want things to work for this poor girl. I want us to be together, but I want her happy. Ugh.

Maxx-Damage
12-08-2007, 07:28 PM
Dang ace, i can relate to u with the suicide friend:( On august 8/4/07 my friend Cody Miller commited suicide after leaving a myspace note. Most tradgic thing considering i was about to get onto the airplane for south carolina for a wicked awesome vaction, which was 3/4 ruined...


To summerize it up, and to make any hidden points visible. YOU AND HER will make it through. I hope very much that u pouring ur heart out will convince her to stop her drug usage, and try to get a grasp on her life. I hope my brief spiel somehow helped u:)

The Pumper
12-08-2007, 07:45 PM
Drugs may make someone happy but its for the wrong reason. Like you said, help her find a way in which happiness comes in a safer way. Whether it be playing sports or doing a hobby she enjoys...maybe even doing stuff together whether it be dinner or just watching tv.

Now me, I'm a senior in high school. My whole school does drugs..coke, shrooms, weed etc...list can go on. I alienate myself from those people because drugs are such a waste of money. Not to mention its illegal and does serious damage to a person. Now I am guilty of doing drugs and alcohol but I dont even like doing it. Theres no point, doesnt make my life any better. I've been clean for a long time now and it feels so much better.

Perhaps her way to avoid all that bull**** you mentioned earlier about her family and friends not giving a damn about her is through drugs. Not the best solutions but it might be her way to forget all the bad things and get a high. I'm feeling for ya, man. I'm not going to lie, I got teary eye'd reading some of your posts and I know it sucks. I've been there...wasnt a girlfriend, but was a close friend. And dont be afraid to cry or let out your feelings. Its the only way she'll know is through truth and honesty.

Hope it works for ya.

DFSniper
12-08-2007, 07:50 PM
What she said is what bothers me, (while cold) "...and you said speed will kill me."

The way she said it was like she was joking around, not serious about the outcome of the drug. Like it won't kill her. I'm wondering if she just doesn't understand what it can do to her, therefore indulging in what, at that moment, makes her life seem a little brighter.

I don't think she's addicted... she doesn't talk about it like an addict would. Either that or she is, and is ashamed of it. Druggies lie... I've learned that the hard way with my sister. So that 1 and 1/2 month ago that she did it might be a lie.

I was tearing up a little in the car and she asked what was wrong. I just told her that I worry about her. No other words would come out. Tomorrow I'm going to have 2 hours alone with her and I'm going to pour my heart out to her. Tell her how I feel, what I don't want to see happening to her... and ask her why she does it. I can already expect the answer. "because it feels good."


She is very much a child... or shall I say, 'childish.' I really don't think she stops to think of the severity of the situation she can get herself into, but rather goes into it in a child like manor, just looking for fun.


she's only 16, right? i know they say girls mature faster than guys, but it sounds like she really does act like a child (not saying thats a bad thing) and i've known a lot of 16 year olds that didn't mature as fast as others. from experience i can safely say that it seems as if emotional trouble causes you to mature slower. i'm not sure the best way to go about this, but if you could help her to "grow up" and look at things from a more mature perspective and not be so carefree about it, i think that will help.



I have a feeling that it's an escape. Somehow I've got to be that escape, or find another route for her to get that happiness without resorting to drugs.

Thanks guys. Keep praying... <3

EDIT:
Something I thought I'd add.

I broke down today in the shower, before picking her up. I prayed to God with tears in my eyes that he'd show her how much she means to me. To help me show her that there is more to life then this. That she needs to live, that life will get better. I prayed that I would be able to talk to her about it without her being upset, and somehow show her that there are other paths to happiness.

I really want things to work for this poor girl. I want us to be together, but I want her happy. Ugh.

show her how she can enjoy herself when she's around you and that she doesn't need the drugs to feel good.

you want her to be happy, and if the drug use gets worse, she'll THINK she's happy, but she'll just be digging herself deeper into the hole. so even if you don't end up staying together, helping her over her addiction will still help her be a happier person in the end.

keep up the praying!

druid
12-08-2007, 08:05 PM
Ace...you pretty much know me so I'll be blunt and speak from the point of my occupation...

I know she's your gf and I know that you care for her very much and regardless of her home life...you need to understand and deal with the possibility that you may not be able to save her.

She's addicted and by what you posted, has been for some time. There is absolutely nothing you can do or say that will change her mind or habit - SHE has to do it herself. If she has no desire to stop, she won't.

The are really only ___ things you can do for her:

1. Call the police and have her arrested when she is in possession of the drug. Depending on her age and quantity confiscated, she will be sent to juvie or the adult facility. She'll probably hate you for the rest of your life but it's better for her. Hopefully the facility will keep her separated from the drugs and clean her up the "tough love" way.

2. Abscond her to a rehab where we all hope it will work for her...with or without her parent's permission or knowledge.

3. Give her an ultimatum...you or the drugs. If you 2 are together and she gets caught up in the law...you may face similar or "conspiracy"-type charges. I must warn you though...ultimatums rarely work for 'loved ones.' The stranglehold the drugs have on people is astonishingly difficult to break. Be aware that you will likely lose her to the drugs.

It's callous to say but please believe me when I say that I'm NOT trying to be mean-spirited.....you need to separate yourself from her and move on with your life. You CANNOT allow this to ruin YOUR life in her self-destructive addiction. You've already said that your school is suffering because of this. You have to let her go.

I hope the best for you bud...I really do.

Paul

bigred76
12-08-2007, 08:33 PM
Ted... I figured there was a reason that I hadn't seen you post in a bit, and I am sorry that this is it. Both you and Kira are added to my prayers list already, and will be on there until God sees fit to change that.

I have to agree with Drago, and yet at the same time with Paul. Both have good points, and Drago's words in my mind would be the best choice until there is no other option, and must resort to what Paul sugested.

My brother is just getting over almost all the kind of drug addictions that I know of, after having starting using them since he was 12. It takes time, love, and a good deal of patience to be there for someone like that, and by being a good example, you can help her. Even if she IS doing Speed while you're there, she will see you not using, and somewhere deep down she will realize that it is not what you want in her, but will take her as she is. Keep this point in mind... Love is one of the biggest forces in a relationship, and you can use that to your advantage, but do not push it too far. If you do, it'll snap like a rubber band.

I wish you good luck, Ted. Godspeed!

HelpDeskHustler
12-09-2007, 08:05 AM
Gah. I don't even know where to start here... It's a tough thing, but a lot of people live in the moment. It's hard to see what kind of effect you have in the world and how that has any value. It sounds like what your girlfriend lacks is a self value, I'm not really sure what advice I can give to help her, but if anything I would say try to TALK her off of the drugs, by instead of making HER HABIT the topic of the conversation, you talk about how the drugs are making her someone different, someone that you don't think she is. This really sounds like a lot to deal with, and I'll be on AIM if you want to talk.

cyberthrasher_706
12-09-2007, 11:13 AM
1. Call the police and have her arrested when she is in possession of the drug. Depending on her age and quantity confiscated, she will be sent to juvie or the adult facility. She'll probably hate you for the rest of your life but it's better for her. Hopefully the facility will keep her separated from the drugs and clean her up the "tough love" way.


This has got to be the last move you could make. It's a nice idea but most of the time being locked up only gives a person more opportunities and connections for when the get out. I have never seen a detention facility that actually scared anyone straight.

I'm going to tell you from an ex-addicts point of view. DO NOT PUSH HER!! It will only drive her to use more and probably go back to wanting to die at 20. She will see you as equivalent to her parents and everything you have worked on will be lost. The most important thing to remember is that you are trying to clean her up because you care about her, not because you care about the 2 of you being together. Many of the guys here have told you that you need to find someway of showing her that there's happiness and joy without speed and that's exactly right. She's using dope to cover up the pain in her life and in order to free her from it you need to show her a different way.

Me and my wife both used when we met and now we're both clean and have absolutely no desire to go back ever again because we have found a happiness that drugs just can't provide. I spent a better part of my childhood addicted to something and had cleaned up in the past. Then my life took a turn for the worse and my closest Bro took his life, causing me to just spiral down over the next few years. Now I'm clean again and happier than I have ever been. I wanted it, she wanted it, so we did it together.

The point is, you have to be supportive. Let her know that you're there for her and you hope that she can kick it some day. If she says she's going to give it a try than make sure she knows that you're not going to be mad if she messes up and uses, you're going to be there to help her get back on track. Pushing and forcing just causes people to use more and more and that's not what you want. Be there for her.

As for Brothers and Sisters past, just remember that regardless of where their spirits are now, they live on in us with the memories we have. It's hard to not mourn but take joy in the memories. Once those memories die than so do they. Honor them and remember who they were/are. Take care of yourself and feel free to message if you need advice. My wife and I both are willing to help you figure it all out.

Take care Brother. We're thinking of you

Ace24
12-09-2007, 12:29 PM
Today I'm going to talk to her... I don't know how exactly I'm going to say it, but I'm going to incorporate what you've all said and try my best to get more information out of her.

What's sad is the fact that I think her best friend is the one who got her into it. Whom I'm very pissed at, at the moment. They both did stuff with each other under the influence that makes me worry what she does with these people that she currently does it with.

I think today I'm going to simply state that, "the thought of you doing speed hurts me. I wish there was some other way that you could find happiness and not resort to it. I want to help you through this and I want to gradually help you kick the habit." Then I'd state reasons why to kick it? Such as the law, her life being in danger, and our relationship dieing. I'll also tell her that next time she does it, I want to be there.

I don't know exactly what else to do. I'm not breaking up with her. It's my servants spirit. I want to help her no matter what and I'm not going to give up on her. If it results in us breaking up, then she'll be the one who does it. I won't break up with her. I love her and have honestly never loved anyone as much as I love her besides my family.

Are you sure she's addicted?

P.S. Red- Rika not Kira. lol.

DFSniper
12-09-2007, 12:40 PM
i'm praying for ya right now. hopefully that will help when you go to talk to her.

if she's not addicted, like you say, that should make easier for her to get over it.

just remember, if you do decide to be there the next time she does it, and something goes wrong, your ass is on the line to!

see the little icons next to our names? most of us put those there so that we can answer questions and help people. if you need anything, i'm usually around, so feel free to shoot me an IM.

cyberthrasher_706
12-09-2007, 05:33 PM
Then I'd state reasons why to kick it? Such as the law, her life being in danger... I'll also tell her that next time she does it, I want to be there.

Just remember, she probably already knows the law and danger aspect. It may work but it may make her feel pressured. I don't really know her obviously so I can't say which way that would go. Be very careful about being around it, there are oh so many things that can go wrong there, aside from just the law popping up. Many of the people who use speed habitually are quite insane and if they don't react to you being there, and being an unknown person, they might still react psychotically to something else out of nowhere. So just be careful, be there for her, but be very careful. That's the kind of thing that has the possibility of becoming life and death. Good Luck

Ace24
12-09-2007, 06:24 PM
Well I've got good news. I was talking to her over dinner tonight, and she saw that I was upset. I told her when we were by the sushi bar that I at least want to be with her next time, and she agreed immediately.

Later when we were eating she saw that I was still upset and asked what was wrong. I told her that I worry about her decisions and she asked, I didn't even mention it, if I wanted her to stop using. I told her I'd be lying if I said no. She then said, "I'll stop then." Just like that. I was shocked. I don't know if she's lying, or if shes serious... but she's never lied to me before, so I don't think she is going to start now.

I'm really excited and I'm going to ask her if she was serious... but just her saying that made me so happy. I think all the prayer is working. <3

Thanks everyone. I'll keep you informed.

newkid
12-09-2007, 06:48 PM
that sounds great, I hope its for real

battlechaser
12-09-2007, 06:54 PM
That's pretty cool of her. I hope things work out.

Ace24
12-09-2007, 06:55 PM
Yay! She said she was serious when she said it. So we'll see. Ugh... lots of pressure just left my body.




...and no I didn't fart >.<

SpyderMan723
12-09-2007, 07:04 PM
Good for you ace!

Hope things are going to proceed well.

DFSniper
12-09-2007, 07:10 PM
now get some sleep! you have school tomorrow! :p

Ace24
12-09-2007, 07:35 PM
Ha yeah, school...

I'll be there... maybe not for the first few classes, but I'll be there.

bigred76
12-09-2007, 11:53 PM
:doah: Sorry, I went back to check myself and knew it was Rika, then went to post and my fingers put in Kira...

I'm very glad to hear that she said that and that she hasn't lied before, but I'd tread carefully. My brother said the same thing when we entered Freshman year to me. All it meant was that he curled up away from me, and didn't show me when he was using. It only prolonged his use, and it wasn't until (believe it or not) when I started smoking cigarettes he opened back up to me. That was 3 long, difficult years.

I said it before, and as CyberThrasher so eloquently put it, don't push the love too hard. It will break. Yeah, I'm raining on your parade, but with addictive substances of any kind, you have to be careful until it's over, and then some... Cancer'd be a good explanation. It's there and you go through so many trials and tribulations to get rid of it, and then when it's gone, you think you're free of the demon. The cancer doesn't always end there though, it can come back from its dormant state, and bite you in the ass when you least expect it.

Watch her and love her carefully, my friend. It's all you can do more than what you did, really. May God be with you and Rika. (see, I got it right that time! :))

HelpDeskHustler
12-10-2007, 04:02 AM
Yay! She said she was serious when she said it. So we'll see. Ugh... lots of pressure just left my body.



That's good to hear, it's hard working under pressure.


...and no I didn't fart >.<
that makes one of us... o_O

Ace24
12-10-2007, 11:40 AM
Hahahaha. >.<

cyberthrasher_706
12-10-2007, 12:19 PM
Watch her and love her carefully, my friend. It's all you can do more than what you did, really.
I couldn't have said it better. The battle's not over but you guys are on the right path. Just keep her happy and having fun, you just might come out on top. I'm happy for you. Keep us posted.

druid
12-10-2007, 07:57 PM
Glad to hear it bud. Good luck!

EDIT: was this the young lady that I met at Skirmish by chance? If so...

To lighten the mood...you could always threaten her that I'll show up with my Kilt and Pipes and wake her at 0430 in the morning with them.......untuned.....:D

timbertiger20
12-10-2007, 09:52 PM
Glad to hear it bud. Good luck!

EDIT: was this the young lady that I met at Skirmish by chance? If so...

To lighten the mood...you could always threaten her that I'll show up with my Kilt and Pipes and wake her at 0430 in the morning with them.......untuned.....:D

tuned.....untuned.......you'd need alot of kevlar and some dog protective equipment at 0430 in my house!

druid
12-11-2007, 08:12 AM
tuned.....untuned.......you'd need alot of kevlar and some dog protective equipment at 0430 in my house!

heh heh...:D

I...
have...
plenty...
of..
both.

:p

lol...

Maxx-Damage
12-11-2007, 12:02 PM
Y do u have dog protection gear druid?....

DFSniper
12-11-2007, 12:43 PM
cuz hes a cop...

Maxx-Damage
12-11-2007, 12:44 PM
I thought he was a correction officer?...

DFSniper
12-11-2007, 12:45 PM
same thing, different job. im sure they have dog protection suits just in case...

timbertiger20
12-11-2007, 01:10 PM
In case dogs break into the prison? Do they let you have dogs there? In cali the prisoners have the general public preventing most problems. They were limite to MKIV sprayers :( In the last year they were upped to fire hydrant size OC canisters. Still no tasers or dogs though :(

bigred76
12-11-2007, 01:45 PM
What do dogs, kevlar armor, and prison riots have to do with Ted? :dodgy: Keep it on track please, guys... Ted actually needs our support, not our gossip. ;)

Ace24
12-11-2007, 07:25 PM
No this is a different girl haha. That girl had a boyfriend. He was there with her. (I think they are going out still too... he was a good influence on her. Got her off drugs, kept her clean, got her going back to school and graduating a year early)

This is Rika:
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y81/TeddyBearFuzz/1121071930copy.jpg

Hossy
12-11-2007, 07:47 PM
Hey whos that scrawny kid on the left? :p :D :rolleyes:

Good for you Ted

118917
12-11-2007, 10:30 PM
good luck to ya
I'm battling the same addiction
so far I'm two weeks clean

Ace24
12-12-2007, 09:34 AM
Keep up the good work! :)

The Pumper
12-12-2007, 11:38 AM
Damn whos the good looking kid on the left? Oh its me :dodgy: ;)

cyberthrasher_706
12-12-2007, 05:50 PM
good luck to ya
I'm battling the same addiction
so far I'm two weeks clean
Good for you Brother, Keep it up. If you're feeling a little week feel free to drop a line. I know how hard it really is and I couldn't have done it without support. We're all with ya.